Neptune’s Harvest

When an abandoned 18-foot boat loaded with marijuana washed ashore April 21 at Sunset Cliffs, a KUSI News reporter interviewed one damp, long-haired, shirtless witness who called the huge stash “the harvest of Neptune.” The report failed to note that the witness was Turbonegro bassist Happy Tom Seltzer.

“What a waste,” Seltzer told the reporter as police and Coast Guard officials stacked dozens of waterlogged weed bricks nearby.

“[Authorities] were stripping up the [boat] seats and, uh, putting big bricks of marijuana in a plastic bag.… It might have been a decoy for a bigger [pot distribution] operation further north.”

A policeman on the scene estimated “several hundred pounds” had been seized from the boat

Seltzer’s best-known stage costume is a sailor’s uniform, which he often pairs with effeminate makeup. Turbonegro’s recent European and U.S. tours were canceled due to what the band called a “serious illness” involving guitarist Knut “Euroboy” Schreiner.

– Jay Allen Sanford