Uncle Ted's Victuals

When Ted Nugent appears at the House of Blues on June 10, his catering contract states, “Absolutely no takeout meals will be deemed acceptable, i.e. McDonald’s, Fish and Chips, Weinerworld, Chinese, etc.” His dressing room requires a can of Planters fancy cashews, a large bag of Rold Gold Pretzel Thins (“fat free”), two cans of white tuna in spring water (“unopened”), a loaf of whole-wheat bread (“sliced”), and two Yoplait low-fat yogurts (“strawberry, blueberry, or mixed fruit”).

Drinks: four cans of Red Bull energy drink, six cans of V8 juice, a 12-pack of Diet Coke, a large bottle of Ocean Spray ruby red grapefruit juice, and a half-dozen Slim Fast drinks (“four chocolate, two tropical fruit”).

He also needs a toaster, a carving knife, a carving fork, six ceramic coffee mugs (“no Styrofoam”), 36 bath towels (“full size”), and a box of “man sized Kleenex.” (From thesmokinggun.com.)

– Jay Allen Sanford