If This Bar Was a Guitar...

Some excerpts from online venue reviews written by patrons:

The Aero Club: "The owner, Bill, is meticulous about his beer lines. He uses a mix of nitrogen and CO2. He uses a special dishwashing detergent made specifically for beer glasses. He uses something else that I won't divulge here, to get every last speck of grease off the cups.... Bill told me that beer will stick to the insides of a super-clean pint glass when you tip the glass, and it's true."

Liar's Club: "If this bar was a guitar, it would be a Gibson Les Paul Sunburst 1960. This bar is like the hotrod of San Diego bars, and its location [on Mission Boulevard] complements it perfectly. Betty Page should work here, and Josh Homme should play here."

The Whistle Stop: "Last Friday, I saw a Japanese surf rock band playing with '70s porno on a big screen in the background. Need I say more?"