Nacho

As Super Bowl halftime approached, I headed off to another party. I had two more to catch. The first, which the host dubbed the "Nacho Bowl," was in North Park. He said there would be various cheeses on tables throughout the house. I drove to North Park with this on my mind and saliva dripping down my chin. As I walked into the garage, I saw ten people watching Prince -- I hadn't missed any of the second half. Noticing the tiny TV, I said, "This has got to be the smallest TV the Super Bowl is being watched on." Someone responded, "It has Prince in his actual size."

The garage had a section of desserts and another section set up with a taco bar. I walked inside to the kitchen from where I saw a big-screen TV. Someone asked me what I thought of Prince. "Nothing says manly football like Prince." A few people laughed, and I asked, "Why didn't he incorporate the team logos into his symbol?" Someone said, "Yeah. His symbol looks too much like the Saints logo."

My date, more interested in food than football, said, "There's a lot of cheese here. It makes me constipated, though." A guy named Mike said, "They don't call it a block of cheese for nothing."

There is a debate over people mixing cheesecake with brownies. One woman said it was disgusting. She had made the mistake, however, of earlier saying that, in her country, she used to eat grasshoppers. The crowd was now throwing that in her face.

Since there was no room to sit at the big screen, I was stuck in the garage. I asked a woman if I could sit next to her on the washing machine. "It's a public washing machine." I overheard Mike tell someone that his friend bought a ticket to the Super Bowl. "The guy paid four grand." Someone said, "To sit in the rain?" Mike responded, "Well, it's 75-degree rain. But, he wanted to go to some of the parties. Things were so crowded, it was 45 minutes just to get into different parking structures."

Since I had money on the Colts, I didn't want to miss any of the game. I wouldn't be going to the next party until it ended. The Colts covered the spread, and I was happy, less rushed, as we headed to the third party. I figured the Poway party would still be going, since they were playing Texas Hold 'Em.

When we got to Poway, several people were still there. I saw two Navy guys smoking on the patio. One was wearing a Brian Urlacher Bears jersey, and his haircut looked a lot like Urlacher's. We talked about the game. He was upset, and when his cell phone rang, he cursed into it and hung up. I said, "That sucks. Your team loses, and your friends call you to give you crap." He said, "Yeah, I know."

Back inside at the Texas Hold 'Em game, A.J. gave me a glass of punch. It was strong, but tasty. I asked what was in it. He laughed, "What isn't in it? We have everything but the sink. There's Bacardi Vanilla, Mandarin Citron, Bombay Sapphire Gin, Triple Sec, Sweet and Sour, orange juice, cranberry juice, ginger ale." He may have listed a few other things; I couldn't keep track. He had a bunch of footballs against the wall, which I thought he put out for the theme of the party. As I got a closer look, I saw they were autographed. He told me he knew someone who worked with the Chargers.

I talked to a blonde who was a police dispatcher in Apple Valley. She told me that their number is similar to a Mexican restaurant and that when callers get the wrong number, she takes their orders. She said her job can be stressful but that she loved it.

I talked to another woman going through a divorce. Her husband cheated on her with a woman who beat her up in a bar on her 30th birthday. The police dispatcher was telling her all the laws involved in restraining orders and what happens in various court cases that were similar to hers.

The Bears fan left with his head down. I said, "It could be worse. You could be a Chargers fan."

Crash your party? Call 619-235-3000 x421 and leave an invitation for Josh Board.