Elizabeth? Elizabeth Who?

Dear Matt:

I know Queen Elizabeth has had plenty of family troubles over the years, but the tabloids haven't told me the on crucial bit of information I've always wanted to know about Her Majesty. What the heck is her last name? Do queens even have last names?

-- Hiz Majesty, Serra Mesa

Seems to me the only good thing about being queen is having the right to say "Gimme that" and having your subjects hand over the goods. And that would probably include a last name if she didn't already have one. But since she's a so-called "royal," she's simply known as Queen Elizabeth. On official documents and her notes to me, she signs her name "Elizabeth R," (Elizabeth Regina, Elizabeth the Queen). Truth of the matter is, though, Liz's family does have a surname. She's Liz Windsor, or was until she married. Now the whole lot of them are the Mountbatten-Windsors, a combo of dad and mom. Andrew and Charles, also royals like Elizabeth, are known simply by their given names plus any inherited titles (Prince of the Royal Blood, Prince of Wales -- that kind of junk). Nonroyals would be known as, say, Percival Mountbatten-Windsor or Prudence Mountbatten-Windsor, people who are probably no fun at parties.