Two For The Price Of None

I went to two parties in one day that tested my crashing ability. The first was a luncheon at Balboa Park. The ticket was $40, but I weaseled in without paying. I did feel guilty, since the money was for the Hall of Champions, which is a showcase for San Diego athletes.Los Angeles Laker and former San Diegan Luke Walton was the guest of honor.

A question-and-answer period preceded lunch. I considered asking Walton about Britney Spears -- reports were that she had a crush on him and was hoping he'd score her courtside Lakers tickets.

Instead, I asked how his dad could be a Grateful Dead fan. He laughed and said, "You'll have to ask him about that." And since an older guy had talked about how great it was having coach Phil Jackson back with the Lakers, I said, "Your dad speaks so highly of coach John Wooden. But the Laker players must not think so highly of Jackson. He wrote a book about how much trouble Kobe and Shaq were. Can you even trust him now?"

He said, "We trust Phil. The players were bothered by his book. I think all that is behind us now, and we're looking forward to the season."

Channel 39 sportscaster Jim Stone was there, and it was strange seeing a guy who is 5'6" talking to the 6'8" Walton.

Walton's uncle, former NFL player Bruce Walton, was there. And Luke's grandmother was there in a yellow Lakers shirt that had "Luuuke" printed on it.

His former high school coach brought some of his students. Luke said, "Did you guys ditch school to be here? We would've never gotten away with that."

I got lasagna and salad and sat down. I heard staff members stressing out because there were 12 extra people they hadn't expected, and they weren't sure where everyone would sit. I told them I'd help bring in some tables and chairs, which made me feel less guilty about crashing.

I sat next to a woman named Mag White, who told stories about her grandkids who attend La Jolla Country Day. When I saw White's cheesecake with Snickers bars in it, I asked her where the desserts were. "Sorry. I got the last piece. There was a girl there who wanted this, but she let me have it."

I got the feeling she would've boxed out Walton to score that cake.

Later that night I went to an event at Margarita Rocks in Pacific Beach. There was a cover, but I talked my way in for free. Margarita Rocks was hosting the Hot Waitress Contest. I talked to Adam Baker, the guy behind this event, who said, "My buddy and I saw waitresses who were gorgeous, in wife-beater T-shirts and Lakers' jerseys. We started a website dedicated to the women who have been grossly over-tipped since they earned their first buck."

Attractive women of all races participated. There were a lot of guys there to gawk. One wore an "I Love You, Man" T-shirt. Another looked like William Hung. I overheard a woman say, "I wouldn't sleep with him, even if he was William Hung." Her friend replied, "...or well hung."

One lady said to her friend, "That Anthony Michael Hall guy is dancing by himself. He probably will be the entire night." I looked around and saw others who looked like famous people. There were three Jack Blacks, ten J. Los, two Halle Berrys, two Pamela Andersons, four Paris Hiltons, one Chris Rock, three Bruce Lees, two Morriseys, two Courtney Loves, a Val Kilmer, a Roseanne, three Lucy Lius, a couple who looked like Peaches & Herb, and a fat guy with an Ozzy shirt who didn't look like he fit in with this scene.

I asked Baker what he does to get waitresses to participate. He said he hands out his business card and gives them shirts. "We were thinking about ordering urinal screens. Do you know what those are? You pee on them, and it has our logo on it."

One guy commented that the waitress on stage was hot, but he didn't care for her stretch marks.

Baker told me that he doesn't do this to make money. "It's just your love of hot waitresses," I said.

"Exactly!"

Crash your party? Call 619-235-3000 x421 and leave an invitation for Josh Board.