"You Need to Get Laid!"

"You need to get laid!" a drunk woman in a tube top yelled at the police officer arresting her. "What's the matter, haven't you ever [expletive] a pretty girl before?"

This is according to SDPD Officer Frank Cali in report #04-079198. At 1:20 a.m. on December 26, 2004, the cops were called to Deco's Night Club at 731 Fifth Avenue in the Gaslamp.

"I saw a white female wearing a tube top and blue jeans jumping over a railing," stated Deco's security guard, Donald Dansby. He asked the woman to stop doing that, and "she immediately started yelling at me and poking me in the chest with her finger. She pushed me with both of her hands.... I fell back a little. [She] then took a swing at my head.... I ducked and she missed me, but she did grab the back of my neck."

The woman was identified as Tara Noel. Officers found her in the club lying on the ground screaming, according to Cali's report. "[We] told her to relax, and we are going to stand her up," writes Cali. "Noel said, 'Okay.' Noel was also staggering while [we] assisted her down the stairs."

While Cali spoke with Dansby about the battery, two officers tried to put Noel in the back of a squad car and she spit in the mouth of one of them.

"I got a spit sock [a nylon mesh mask with only one opening] and placed it over Noel's head while Noel was lying on the ground," states Cali in his report. This is when she gave him the advice for relieving tension.

Dansby placed Noel under citizen's arrest for the battery; she was also arrested for being drunk in public and assaulting a peace officer.