Distinguishing between the new and old Harrison Ford.

As long as we're stumbling down Memory Lane, now's the perfect time to make our biennial phone call to the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, Walk of Fame division, to see whether the brain trust has resolved their Harrison Ford problem. If you're new to the nabe, for more than half a decade we've periodically asked them how they plan to distinguish the star for contemporary actor Harrison Ford from the star for the silent-screen actor Harrison Ford. Silent Harrison's star has been at 6665 Hollywood Boulevard since the early '50s, when the Walk was established. It includes his name and an old-timey movie camera -- the same configuration latter-day Harrison will have if/when he gets a star.

Our original call alerted them to the fact that they had a problem in the first place. "New" Harrison, they said, was scheduled to get a star within two or three months. They had no idea how they'd distinguish it from Silent Harrison's. No one had thought about it. Call number two a few years later revealed more confusion. New Harrison still had no star. He never confirmed a date for his presentation, though the C of C had tried several times. According to his publicist, he thought he already had a star (Silent Harrison's, no doubt).

So what progress have we made, two years later? We dialed 'em up again. The friendly Walk wench considered our question, put us on hold, came back on the line, and said, "John Ford has a star at..." No, no. But I see how you could confuse the two. Harrison Ford, Harrison. "Oh, Harrison Ford. Yes, he has a star at 6665..." No, no, the contemporary Harrison Ford; that's the old one. "Oh. He's not here." Is the new Harrison Ford scheduled to get a star? "Not that I know of." The only confirmed installation they have is for tunesmith Carol Bayer Sager on February 14.

But, hey, we proles can nominate someone for a star. I hope the chamber will be flooded with Matthew Alice ballots. Send them to the Walk of Fame, 7018 Hollywood Boulevard, Hollywood CA 90028.

A Star Is Born…

June 12, 2003: We never even got an invitation. We were ignored. Snubbed! We, who invested more than ten years of our pathetic lives in the project. In case you missed the news, our pal Harrison Ford finally got his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Team Matthew Alice OGs should remember our biennial phone calls to the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce demanding to know how they planned to make "Indiana" Harrison's star unique (if and when he got a star), since there has been a star for a silent-film actor named Harrison Ford in front of Musso & Frank's Hollywood Boulevard restaurant since the mid-1950s. Confusion would reign in fanland. You probably also recall the Tinseltown brush-off we got each time we asked. The weasels once even tried to trick us into believing that old Harrison's star was new Harrison's-- but we set them straight pronto.

After ten years of diligence, we were reduced to reading about the ceremony on the Internet. Late in May, Harrison, his cadaverous squeeze Calista Flockhart, and the usual crowd of hangers-on gathered to dedicate his star in front of the Kodak Theater. It looks exactly like the 50-year-old star in front of Musso & Frank's, just a little shinier and with fewer pastrami stains.

We didn't miss much of a party, though. Harrison hyped his new movie, hinted that Indiana Jones 4 is just one lunch away from being a done deal, squeezed Calista, and went home. Or to Musso & Frank's. Who knows. Who cares. What're we going to bug the HCC about now? Sigh…. The end of an era.