i wake up

past midnight

wondering

recalling

a dream

from some years ago

the face

of a woman

clearly

speaking these words

you are not ready for me -

over and over

she was

i assumed

my future

lover

partner

and wife

as much as

it was surprising

ever more

reassuring

wondering

as years

have passed

if i have seen or

spoken to her

maybe

in the check out line

at the grocery store

wondering

can i love again

can i

could i

my door

has been closed

awhile

but my windows open

a breeze

sometimes a gale

changes my mind

why ?

all seems fine

fail

fear

words i've known-

i have loved

won lost

and show

one or many

haven't kept score

doesn't matter

missing

our song

that loving feeling

ready to start

no ...but

it's in my heart

lay awake

stirring

wondering

can i

will i

love again

yes ...

just not ready for her