I heard it was a bunch of elephants that lead the funeral procession for Michael Jackson. I had imagined, if any animals would be involved, it would merely be Bubbles the chimp, standing on the sidewalk saluting as the casket went by -- in the same fashion JFK Jr. did.

I went to get a haircut and the TVs there had the funeral on. I could hear one barber in Vietnamese speaking to a customer. I only understand every 5th word, which was the name “Michael Jackson.”

And it was a sad day for me.

No, not the Michael thing, but the haircut. I have a receding hairline. The last thing I want to do is cut off the hair I have left.

Boy, I miss those times as a little boy, when you looked forward to going to the barber. You’d get a lollipop when you were done. You might get to sneak a peek at the Playboy nearby. But I digress.

I stopped at a friends house. He was mad that all the stations were carrying the Jackson funeral and celebration. He also had a problem with them using the word “icon” even whipping out a dictionary to show me the definition. I laughed. I told him I could understand all the coverage. This is huge news, and a huge event. He was the biggest thing in music, and has been, for numerous decades.

I did find it odd that Al Sharpton did a eulogy, in which he talked about the barriers Jackson broke down and the troubles he faced. Other than Jackson being the first black artist played on MTV, I really don’t know what barriers he broke down.

When the Jackson 5 started, there were already a lot of successful black musicians (one being Sam Cooke, my favorite vocalist of the early 60s).

Sharpton said “Everytime he got knocked down, he got back up.” Well…I’m not so sure about that. After all, those sleeping pills or whatever, knocked him down and he still hasn’t gotten up.

When he was “knocked down” with bankruptcy rumors, child molestation charges…he finally decided to do a series of concerts. And that simple task proved too difficult for him to muster.

I think the only thing he was “knocked down and got back up from,” was his hair catching fire during that Pepsi commercial (gotta love that gloved hand waving to fans as he’s being put into the ambulance).

But the weirdest thing Sharpton said, was telling Jacksons kids “There was nothing strange about your daddy. It was strange what your daddy had to deal with.” Uh…well, there was actually a lot strange about Jackson, from his nose all the way down to his moonwalking shoes.

I thought Jennifer Hudson and Stevie Wonder sounded wonderful. And it was heartbreaking to see Usher break down in tears. Even more so seeing his daughter, who many of us were seeing speak for the first time (gotta thing the kids are going to love to be able to go outside without veils or masks on.

The daughter cried as she claimed he was the best dad in the world. How could you not get choked up watching that?

I caught a few minutes of Mariah Carey singing a duet, when someone called and we we talked about the funeral. They said that Jacksons brothers were the pallbearers and wore gold neckties and one white glove on each hand, along with sunglasses. That’s some off the hook stylin’ they had goin’ on!

I always said when I die, I want them to play The Doors song “The End” or the Rolling Stones “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” But after hearing about these pallbearers, I’ve changed my plans.

I want the band Otis Day and the Knights (remember Animal House?), in gold lame tuxedos. As the casket is lowered they can sing, “Just a little bit lower now…just a little bit lower now…and a little bit lower now…”

The press is really getting hard up for interviews relating to Michael Jackson. On one show the other night, I saw the person that taught Jackson how to moonwalk.

Now, why couldn’t he have taught the pallbearers, so they could moonwalk backwards with the casket (wait…how many moonwalking references is that so far?)

I’ll close by saying, any person that wants to complain about how the media isn’t focusing enough on all the good things Jackson did for charity, or how he co-wrote “We Are the World,” and all of those other altruistic things…well, at the end of the day, I’m just left thinking about the three kids he left behind. All because he was careless with his life and his drug abuse. So it’s hard for me to muster sympathy for anyone but them.