Candidate's Campaign Staffer Seen Entering Building in Park's International Village Empty-Handed, Leaving with Briefcase He Can Barely Carry

Paul: "'Foreign entanglements' are one thing; 'foreign investments' are another."

Apparently, uranium isn't the only thing getting enriched by Iran these days.

HIDING BEHIND ONE OF THOSE GLITTERY ANIMAL STATUE-THINGS, BALBOA PARK - Everyone remembers Chinagate, the alleged attempt by the Chinese government to influence American policy by donating huge amounts of cash to various key elected officials during the 1996 elections. Now, SD on the QT has uncovered evidence that Iran is following China's lead by donating bars of solid gold to Ron Paul's presidential campaign. (Paul, who hates the Fed and doesn't trust this newfangled notion of unbacked currency, would allegedly not accept paper dollars or even wire transfers.)

The reasoning, according to our anonymous source inside Balboa Park's House of Iran, is simple. "Paul wants the United States to start worrying about the United States, and to stop worrying about Iran, especially when Iran is doing only what any other sovereign Middle East nation would do if it could: arm itself as well as possible against the manifest threat to its existence and security posed by Israel. And while Paul might not be in agreement with his Republican predecessor about the wisdom and justice of a 'pre-emptive' strike, well, at least he knows enough to let us make our own decisions in that regard."

"Our only concern now is that America's Jewish media will twist our efforts into some ludicrous charge that we are attempting to 'buy influence.' We are in no way influencing Ron Paul. We are merely paying him to do what he would do anyway."