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Insidious Infections

Years ago, when I was living in Boston, a friend of mine insisted that I go with her to visit her Chinese Herbalist. So it was that on a chilly morning in November I found myself sitting in a chair across the desk from the "doctor", as he placed the tips of three fingers on my wrist to feel my pulse. Lifting one finger or two in different combinations, not unlike a trumpet player, he would furrow his brow and scribble notes in Chinese with his other hand. This went on for about 10 minutes after which he proclaimed that "my liver was not supple". Of course, he had just the thing to cure me and wrote out a prescription for me to hand to the elderly woman standing in front of a thousand little wooden drawers. I handed my prescription to the woman and she set immediately to work laying five sheets of goldenrod-colored paper on the counter -- I couldn't help noticing that everyone else was getting *white* paper. I took this as a sure sign that I was already circling the drain. The woman flew into action, pulling a bit of moss from this drawer, some tree bark from that one, 10,000 year old yam, leaves, seeds, sticks and what I would swear was dirt. She made a tall pile of compost in the center of each sheet of paper, then finished by folding them up to make giant sopapilla-sized sachets. I was instructed to take these packets home, place the contents on one packet into six cups of water, boil until reduced to three cups and then let cool. Once cool I was to drink a cup of this tar three times a day for five days, using up all the packets. The woman suggest I might want to warm the creosote in the microwave before drinking. At the time, I was sharing an apartment with two other housemates who were out when I set to boiling the first bitch's brew. Upon returning home they nearly lost their lunches. Much cursing and admonishment ensued and I was forbidden from brewing another batch inside the apartment. ...and I was supposed to *drink* this stuff. It wasn't easy. I'd warm up my cuppa sludge, sit down at my desk, open a magazine to a really fascinating article (with pictures) and then I would power down the cup as quickly as I could while concentrating intently on the magazine and breathing only through my mouth. The amazing thing was that a week later, after 15 cups of that stuff, I was miraculously cured! :)
— September 17, 2009 9:12 a.m.

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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