There's Been an Accident. Jadean Didn't Make It.

My god, Staci... I dropped to my knees and SCREAMED when I found out... Blame me Please, blame me I'm so sorry I never had any idea she was around him... Not that I even forgive myself... Blame me for getting a ride from him in front of her. Blame me for not being responsible. Blame me for being stupid enough to hang out around him; for accepting drugs from him habitually like it was justifiable or excusable... Blame me for being her friend when she deserved better than some homeless addict/alcoholic waif like me... Blame me for not asking more questions like where she was when she told me she tried ecstasy. Blame me for being distracted. Blame me for not being there to stop it. Blame me for not being able to fix anything. Blame me for not being there in her place, because I blame myself. Blame me for being a stupid and not being as good a friend to her as she was for me... I love you both, You were always good to me. You were both my mothers when I had none. Even as a young woman, she had such a great head on her shoulders, I've never met anyone so wonderful, kind, understanding.... She had strong priorities, I'm sorry that one mistake ended up costing such a price... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to have been an aid in any way... I would give my life if I could turn it around... She was one of my only reasons for living... She kept me going when I didn't see a reason to live, and for that I hate myself. I hate that I have no desire to live and she loved life. I wished it was me every time I think about what happened and what I've done... She remains in my head, forgiving and beautiful... Though I don't deserve forgiveness for my part, I hope you don't hate me as much as I have hated myself over the last few years... Truly, A. Effing Fool
— June 20, 2010 1:49 a.m.

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