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Stories by DJ Stevens

Pandemic dating smalltalk

Dear Hipster: When are you going to cover that mugshot of yours in the Reader with a mask? You could just draw one on that supposed likeness of you. — Sam King, El Cajon You ...

August 5, 2020
Vampires are hip

Dear Hipster: If a vampire ate too many hipsters, would it suffer any ill effects? — Chad If vampires were anything like normal humans, which they might well be if they existed, then they would ...

July 29, 2020
Rosé drinking positions

Dear Hipster: Rose (rosé?) wine: hipster, trendy, or merely pretentious? — Kate There are exactly two mainstream wine drinking positions that account for something like 98 percent of the people you will find raising a ...

July 22, 2020
The Earth wobbles off its axis

Dear Hipster: Concerning your article about the North Star, the North Star is not exactly above our North Pole. It is about 1 degree off the true North Pole. You mention taking a time lapse ...

July 15, 2020
Stuck between two cuisines

Dear Hipster: Although I love dining out, I haven’t been to a restaurant since March. At first, everything was closed, and I spent all this time pondering when I would be able to go and ...

July 8, 2020
All stars rotate around Polaris

For whatever reason, I receive a steady trickle of bizarrely ordinary inquiries. I suspect people fire them off for no other reason than that they can. How can something be “bizarrely ordinary,” you ask? Aren’t ...

July 1, 2020
The push for widespread teleworking

Dear Hipster: I’ll probably out myself as an aging hipster has-been here, but I have to ask: is there a word for the feeling you get when you hear kids talking about stuff that used ...

June 24, 2020
Obscure spirits from the Whiskey Exchange

Hey Hipster: Maybe I’m losing my mind because I’ve been locked out of my Amazon account for a week, and have thus been deprived of all the mindless streaming video entertainment that might distract my ...

June 17, 2020
If Elon Musk and Grimes got married

Dear Hipster: I was reading the twitface newsfeed nonsense about Elon Musk and Grimes naming their baby a string of alphanumeric characters. Now, I don’t really care one way or the other about celebrities vying ...

June 10, 2020
White Claw rage tweets

Dear Hipster: Considering the ubiquity of pandemic-related news coverage, which has even started to infiltrate something as innocuous and not-particularly-newsworthy (no offense, obviously) as Ask a Hipster, I thought I might throw you a bone ...

June 3, 2020
The quarantine games

Dear Hipster: If I were to spend my quarantine trying to master an incredibly complicated game (you know, the kind of thing everybody always says it takes a lifetime to master), would it be cooler ...

May 27, 2020
Pavement and Biz Markie tribute album craze

Dear Hipster: You may be too much of a young’un to remember the tribute album craze of the 1990s, which really extended well into the Aughts, but I sure do, and not altogether unfondly! Some ...

May 20, 2020
What’s the raddest flavor of ice cream?

Dear Hipster: The recent warmth and sunlight have rekindled the smoldering passion in my heart for my one true love: ice cream. I adore all the flavors, even the weird ones that maybe ought not ...

May 13, 2020
Is hugging dead forever?

Dear Hipster: I’m a hugger, not a hand shaker or a cheek-kisser. But I worry — is hugging dead forever, because everyone will be scared to touch each other for the foreseeable future? I actually ...

May 6, 2020
Logic vs. Wu Tang Style

Dear Hipster: You wrote recently about how it’s very hipster to be suspicious of anything that too many people like, and therefore definitely “not into” such popular things. People who enjoy logic might express this ...

April 29, 2020
Mayor O'Connor goes slumming in Balboa Park, Mayor Faulconer reads Dr. Seuss racist book

Caught between a hug and a hard place If you move to somewhere on the East Coast, such as Boston, NYC, or Philadelphia, fewer people will try to hug you, mostly because they’re all too ...

April 25, 2020
Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes

Dear Hipster: I transplanted here a couple of years ago from Portland, Oregon, and I noticed that on average, hipsters in Portland are way meaner than those in San Diego. What gives? — Progressive Guru ...

April 22, 2020
I endorsed Joe Exotic for President

Dear Hipster: The more people tell me to watch Tiger King, the less I want to watch Tiger King. Am I being a total hipster because I refuse to watch Tiger King as my go-to ...

April 15, 2020
Star Trek: The Next Next Generation: Tiger King

Dear Hipster: As we all know, the coronavirus pandemic is nothing more than a consolidated effort by home delivery grocery apps and Netflix to keep us permanently combined in our homes. It’s actually sort of ...

April 8, 2020
The quasi-divine, vaguely porklike glory of the McRib

Dear Hipster: I think it is patently unfair for you to invoke the quasi-divine, vaguely porklike glory of the McRib during these trying times. Did you not think we had it bad enough being forced ...

April 1, 2020
Get thee to thy Reddit conspiracy theorizing!

Dear Hipster: I hate to dwell on it, because it seems like it’s all anybody can talk about lately, but every answer I get on this whole “social distancing” thing raises ten more questions. Should ...

March 25, 2020
Beardo coronavirus propaganda

Stop the presses! Pump the brakes! No diving straight into questions this week, people. I don’t know if you heard, but there is this thing called a “coronavirus,” which is apparently a super big deal. ...

March 11, 2020
South Park: not cut by high-volume road

North Park and South Park – say goodbye to 30th Street as it is The main roadway connecting North and South Park may be on the eve of a massive transformation. Councilmember Chris Ward is ...

Thirsty for Orbitz

Dear Hipster: Is it possible to predict what current pop culture trends will someday be the target of a revival, either ironic or genuine? Perhaps history suggests a pattern as to what captures future imaginations, ...

March 4, 2020
VHS e-waste

Dear Hipster: I was going through some things in the garage the other day, and I came across my old VHS collection. I tell you what, Mr. Hipster, there were some serious gems in there. ...

February 26, 2020
Led Zeppelin or Black Sabbath nostalgia: a bitter man’s pastime

Dear Hipster: Please help me with something that has been puzzling me of late. I think we can agree the whole “retro stuff is super hipster” thing is established beyond dispute. Nevertheless, I have noticed ...

February 19, 2020
Protesting the injustice of no White Claw on tap

Dear Hipster: Here is a puzzler for you. I always hear about hipsters being super socially conscious of all the world’s ills, and letting this concern guide their decision-making towards (mostly commercial) activities like drinking ...

February 12, 2020
Epic power metal covers of the “Toss a Coin” song from The Witcher

Dear Hipster: One minute all the cool kids are dopamine fasting, the next minute everybody’s like “OK, Boomer,” and before you know it they’re dreaming up epic power metal covers of the “Toss a Coin” ...

February 5, 2020
Generation twixt

Dear Hipster: I often hear people talking about hipsters and Millennials as if the two are coextensive. Other times, people equate hipsters and Gen X’ers. Sometimes Generation Z takes the blame (or gets the credit, ...

January 22, 2020
Outback Steakhouse to axe throwing first dates

Hipster: I’m growing older. I found myself scoping out even more suburban places recently. Though I seek peace and tranquility, maybe I can’t do it. Just too far from the hip. I guess La Mesa ...

January 15, 2020
From the scrunchie to the Cats movie

Dear Hipster: What were the best and worst parts of 2019? — Zadie From the hipster perspective, the best part of 2019 would have to be the brief return to popularity of the scrunchie. Ordinarily, ...

January 8, 2020
Jingle Cats is terrifying

Happy New Year, all you hipsters! I hate to break with the typical Q-preceding-A format, but I must begin this year with a shout-out to the observant hipster who pointed out how my idea for ...

January 1, 2020
21st-century zodiac placemat

Dear Hipster: Every year around this time, I think back to the paper placemats at the Chinese restaurant I went to as a kid. You probably know the ones I mean, with the signs of ...

December 25, 2019
Elizabeth Warren has no idea who Diplo is

Hey Hipster: What the heck is hipster antitrust and why does it keep showing up in my news feed? I’m not even exactly sure what regular antitrust is (except I think it has something to ...

December 18, 2019
Sustainable, artisanal, alternative Christmas music

Dear Hipster: It’s getting to be that season, when I can’t enter a retail establishment without having my ears bombarded by the same old Christmas songs I’ve heard over and over again for the past ...

December 11, 2019
A Star Wars nativity scene with Baby Yoda

Dear Hipster: You have told us winter is basically here, and we should all be drinking warm, alcoholic beverages to chase off the Yuletide chill. I would challenge one of the basic assumptions underlying your ...

December 4, 2019
The hottest drinks of winter

Dear Hipster: I think the hipster love of winter has been fairly well established at this point, and we can pretty much take it as a given that, for every person who falls back on ...

November 27, 2019
More than one point of view on Thanksgiving

The ideal hipster Thanksgiving As I’ve pointed out before, no holiday lacks the potential for a hipster makeover. Thanksgiving is no exception. Not only is it nestled comfortably between epic Halloween costumes and ugly-Christmas-sweater parties, ...

November 26, 2019
Thanksgiving dinner at Denny’s

Dear Hipster: I have been preparing elaborate Thanksgiving dinners at my house for and with a core group of friends and family for some time now. I think this would be my fifth or sixth ...

November 20, 2019
Elliot Smith, Death Cab for Cutie, and an obscure, Milwaukee-based alternative hip-hop artist walk into a bar...

Hey Hipster: I haven’t heard a good hipster joke in a dog’s age. Make me laugh, or perhaps groan as the case may be. — Bernie I don’t know about all-out laughs, but if you ...

November 13, 2019
Serious San Diego table grapes Foodies

Hi Hipster: Having grown table grapes in San Diego since the 1980s, and having rejected all the boring ones, I now have some forty-odd vines producing exquisite fruit. I have, of course, diligently combed over ...

November 6, 2019
Mickey Mouse hats for adults

Dear Hipster: So, I guess hipster-themed Mickey Mouse ears for adults are a thing now. I for sure have a handful of adult friends who will for sure be ordering themselves a hipster Mickey Mouse ...

October 30, 2019
Ironic Justin Trudeau Halloween

Dear Hipster: I read where you gave the wise advice, “Anytime you want to try blackface - DON’T.” But what if you want to go as Justin Trudeau in blackface? Isn’t that meta enough? — ...

October 23, 2019
Halloween costume rundown: Scoops Ahoy to Downton Abbey

Yo Hipster: Share with me a few clever ideas to wow my friends (costume-wise) at any or all of the raging Halloween parties I will attend this year. — Shawn Dear Hipster: Is there a ...

October 16, 2019
Finding dandyism in Simon Winchester’s The Map That Changed the World

DJ: Have you read the Wikipedia article on Dandyism? Certain parallels… Is there a history of Hipsterism? Does society always have one version or another of hipsters? Just Western society or Eastern, too? Are the ...

October 9, 2019
Kale smoothies: too much of a good thing?

Dear Hipster: Unlike many of your readers, I will not write to complain ad infinitum about hipster stuff. I actually like a lot of hipster things. Sign me up for the fancy coffee, minimalist design, ...

October 2, 2019
Predating Charlie Parker

Dear H’ster: One qualm I have, and it predates your column and the last however many years the term Hipster has been in the popular vernacular, is that 99.2% of our population do not know ...

September 25, 2019
Mocking minimalism from Dwell magazine

Dear Hipster: You made me LOL at your August 29th article where you said most people do not have room to park in their garages that are filled with boxes, many untouched for over ten ...

September 18, 2019
Discover the affordable glory of malt liquor

Dear Hipster: I’ve recently moved into San Diego, and into my first apartment post-college that’s really mine. At least, it’s mine and my roommate’s because there’s no way I could afford a 1BR spot for ...

September 11, 2019
Bringing up baby with a six-figure salary and a 529 plan

Dear Hipster: I’ve recently moved into San Diego, and into my first apartment post-college that’s really mine. At least, it’s mine and my roommate’s because there’s no way I could afford a 1BR spot for ...

September 4, 2019

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