TDSanDiego July 14, 2012 @ 10:12 p.m.

Thank you Elizabeth Salaam for writing this piece. It was very very relevant to what black parents who live in San Diego go through when choosing the proper schools and neighborhoods to raise their children. You really have to be a black parent with school-age children to truly appreciate what the author is saying about diversity in San Diego. San Diego has a very small black population and of the black children being born, most are of mixed race. Being a fully black child vs. a mixed black child can carry two different experiences. Its not fun and can be quite uncomfortable being the only one of your race at work or school, but particularly while in school. We live in City Heights but I commute every morning to send my son to a charter school downtown. When choosing elementary schools for my son of course I looked at API scores and took tours and whatnot. But one thing that stuck out in my mind when searching for a school that met my sons needs was how diverse schools were, namely how many black students there were, and would he be the only black student in his class. Turns out he was the only black kid in his class and one of only two in all of kindergarten, and surprise, the other student was half white. Because of this I especially appreciate the example of the friends who live in Bay Park. Like them, I too am grappling with whether to keep my son in his predominately white charter school up to a certain grade, and when, if ever, to send him to a school where he is not the only smart black boy.
Regarding the cover the author is merely stating what is pretty darn obvious in the dating world of interracial relationships, many many black men dating every other race of women, but not so much black women. Quite frankly the high percentage of black women being snubbed by black men can sometimes be attributed to our hair. My example, a couple of years ago my husband and I were talking with his two younger brothers, one in high school, the other in middle school, about dating and what kind of girls they like. Their response: “We want a mixed girl or a mexican girl, they are the prettiest.” We asked them why, and they responded, “we don't want no black girl with nappy chicken head hair.” So those who thought this article was offensive to black women need to understand black women are looked down upon as unattractive and less beautiful by societies standards of beauty. The statement that “ the white girls like the black guys, and etc.” is merely an observation of what we see in the world, and I have heard many folks make the same observation too, its not new at all. I too have a daughter and one thing I have decided is to send her to a school where there are other little girls who look like her. And that is simply because she needs to feel good about her hair and her beauty. If you don't get this piece, well its cause you haven't lived it to understand it.


randomgirl July 14, 2012 @ 11:18 a.m.


I'm surprised no one has called you out on your statement :

**> " Let me also refresh your memory to

slavery times when there were more slave owners who were trying to get a lot more than a good servant from the women he purchased."**

So rape is an indicator of the desire of a non black man to have a truly meaningful relationship with a black woman? Your attempt to discredit the author with that example is appalling . Try again.

I think the biggest problem with this article is that the author meanders around an issue without directly tackling it. I surmise it is worry that her children will not have the "black experience." Or not embrace their color, culture, be intersted in dating someone of their own raceetc. Whatever. I agree with an earlier commenter who says the author rambles. She does.. A lot.

On the cover & headline:

The editor picked the most controversial quote from the piece to use on the cover.I get it. It provokes a reaction from people and gets their attention. A better headline could have been chosen for the title of the article.

Let it also be noted - the author waxes poetic in the first several paragraphics about her child's afro, women and other children with afro's she sees while out and about. So an editor on deadline, skims the article, picks out the most controversial phrase, remembers the writing about kids and afro's, slaps in a quick picture of a young girl with an afro and quickly headlines it "afro puffs."

It appears there just wasn't enough thought put into the cover presentation due to perhaps deadline pressures.


The paraphrased comment by the teen does hold some weight. A quick internet search about race & dating pulled up this result -


Race does play a factor in dating - and according to the statistic listed on this dating website- black women have the lowest reply rate. Meaning if they message a non black person - they are less likely to get a reply back.

While this isn't census data, as a dating site - it does have validity in the sense of people choosing whom to write & reply to in order to form relationships.


Dezireblu July 17, 2012 @ 5:41 p.m.

First let me say I am on the east coast but originally from San Diego and I had the cover of this magazine texted to me last week and saw other postings on Facebook about it and the offense that some took to the cover quote. I thought the cover and the article were definitely connected and right on!! This comes from a black girl who grew up in s.d. and southern California and I have found though conversations (often heated) with many southern Cali black men who expressed their preference for everything otter than black!! I tell people all the time the exact same thing as it relates to California. The correlation of that statement to the article is finding appreciation and acceptance in your surroundings and often times having to seek it out. I got tired of being the token Black girl in school the one who was looked on to defend all things seemingly black and often times extremely uncomfortable moments. But this is a mother who realizes that it is important for her daughter and kids to embrace and understand their culture as well as the culture of others. This mother and her friend have made it her responsibility to make sure her kids know and are comfortable in their culture. For me my desire for this and to know more and be around more people like me and to be the preference brought me to the east coast. Chocolate city (DC) to be exact without having ever set foot here prior to my plane landing, and I have never felt more excited about my culture and others!! It is awesome to see well to do black people as the norm and not the exception to the rule as it seemed in Cali! Thank u for the article and while your story may not be the story or experience of everyone reading this article, there are those who Can relate.


vmg1977 July 18, 2012 @ 4:33 a.m.

I totally get the quote, because, growing up in San Diego, I begin to feel the same way when I entered JHS/Middle school. Black boys would date the least attractive white girl or Mexican but when it came to a black girl they wanted her to look like Vanessa Williams or Ananda Lewis. I had a family member tell me he didn't go with "whole black girls" only "mixed" girls. I am mostly offended that Ms. Salam would discuss a community, South East San Diego, and is totally ignorant about the community. Most people who live in SE have southern roots from Texas and New Orleans, these people moved to San Diego in the late 50's and 60's for jobs. South East San Diego is a community in which people knew each other by their family's last name. The writer lives in East Lake a fairly new community in San Diego, near the Mexican Border, with a nice share of people affiliated with Mexican drug cartels. I personally know Black successful/rich/wealthy/educated people who have no desire to live in La Jolla, so Ms. Salaam's husband is totally wrong about no one with money would want to live in South East. Growing up in South East San Diego I was in close contact, with the "influential" black folks, we only had 5 black judges and I knew who there were. Living in the "ghetto", I went skiing annually with NBS during winter carnival, my 3 cousins participated in the AKA debutante ball all while living in South East. Living in South East, I knew of Black doctors, Attorneys,Radio Station Owners, Chemist, Teachers, Post Men,Professors, Politicians and City School Superintendent, etc... Now living in NYC im so happy I grew up in a black community like South East where the poor, middle and upper middle class co mingled, it gave me the opportunity to believe black people were successful and that we could do anything we wanted to do. So maybe Ms, Salaam should come hang out in the "hood" of South East so her daughter and son can experience some positive images of Black people.


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