Veddy hipstuh, suh

Yo Hipster:

Share with me a few clever ideas to wow my friends (costume-wise) at any or all of the raging Halloween parties I will attend this year.

— Shawn

Dear Hipster:

Is there a secret formula for creating the dopest Halloween costume at the bar?

— AJ

My favorite time of year; time for the Hipster Halloween Costume Rundown. The way I see it, there are two main categories of amazing costume: ripped from the headlines, and pop culture references. Sure, you’re going to see more than your fair share of tired Build the Wall memes (both for and against), fat bros who think their fourteenth consecutive year walking around in a Larry the Cable Guy costume shouting “GIT R DONE” upholds Traditional America, and all manner of uninspired Sexy [Any Object Imaginable]. Nevertheless, I fully expect ample Halloween glory as well. Here follow some of my predictions and suggestions for Hipster Halloween 2019.

Ripped From the Headlines

Every year, the news provides so many opportunities for clever costuming. This year is no exception. Putting aside the endless stream of horrible news (mass shootings, disasters, and political unrest aplenty), loads of cool things happened this year. Will you be the one to dazzle with a First Photo of a Black Hole costume? Only an orange jumpsuit and a borderline albino beard stands between you and an Arrested Julian Assange costume. Arrested College Admissions Scandal Parents could be equally droll if properly executed.

We didn’t have a great product flop in 2019, but dressing as a tombstone for Google+ (you probably didn’t notice it folded this year) would be even more obscure than actually using Google+ in the first place. I think it’s still too soon for a Burning Notre Dame costume, but if you feel compelled to joke about disasters, I think Alabama Getting Absolutely Crushed by Hurricane Dorian could be a hoot.

Pop Culture References

Mark my words, at any given bar, you’re going to see maybe a dozen people dressed up in plastic Scoops Ahoy Steve Harrington costumes, which is perfectly fine if a bit lazy. The real winners will be the couple who show up in lovingly handmade Scoops Ahoy outfits except the girl goes dressed as Steve and the guy goes dressed as Robin — skirt, stockings, and all. If you’re looking for the difference between Basic Costume and Hipster Costume, there it is.

Without question, the gold standard for hipster ensemble costumes this Halloween requires going, along with twenty of your closest friends, as the entire cast of Downton Abbey. The original television series pleased American hipsters, who contributed to the show’s early “cult” status (and who defend their early investment with sometimes aristocratic elitism), and the timely release of the movie leaves Downton standing smartly at attention for Halloween 2019. You can easily spend several weeks sourcing evening tailcoats and Edwardian picture hats to create a group costume worthy of even the most demanding pre-party Instagram sesh.

Whatever You Want

As a rule, it’s better to DIY something random (e.g. Oiled Up Lucha Libre Batman) than to buy something basic. Express yourself. Make me laugh. Win the Party. You can’t lose if you do you. But, as always, don’t forget the One Rule of Halloween — any time you want to try blackface, DON’T.