I’ve been waiting months for somebody to ask me about sword burgers

Hipster: What’s up the #hipsterbooks hagtash on Twitter? Um... it’s “trending”? Also, if I’m at an arts, crafts, & brew place, and I order a $17 burger of short rib, chuck, and brisket from that “local” farm in Central California, is it better to have it served impaled with a knife or atop a charred monogram? — David Jones

Was. It was trending. It no longer is. It only took me six days to answer your message, yet #hipsterbooks was already ancient history. #speedofinternet, anyone?

Regarding your second inquiry, why can’t it be both? Although, if you make your way to Slovenia, to visit Stari Pisker, a restaurant either named after or housed in an old prison (perhaps both), and you order the ten-patty Fat Joe that — you guessed it — comes impaled on a sword; well, then I guess you probably will be fine without the monogram.

And if you guessed that I’ve been waiting weeks for somebody to ask me about sword burgers so that I could drop an obscure Stari Pisker reference, you would be wrong. It has been months.