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Imagine an internet as elegant as a third-wave coffee roaster’s logo

Dear Hipster:

Every now and again, I get a Twitter follower from my past, often someone I haven’t spoken with since before Twitter existed, and then that person pops up with “so-and-so has followed you.” That’s cool, but for some reason it really bothers me when that person has a private account, and he or she doesn’t accept my follow request. Maybe I’m wrong about this, but if somebody has the time to follow me, he/she ought to have the time to touch a single button and accept my follow back. Is there any way to communicate this?

— Danny, La Mesa

This is one of those weird, unforeseen quirks of partial platform integration. Your social media pretty much treat everyone you’ve ever written an email to as a potential “friend.” I daresay our apps assume too much.

We wouldn’t have this problem if hipsters had designed the whole thing from the ground up. It would be as simple and elegant as a third-wave coffee roaster’s logo.

There should be a word for having a private account that you don’t maintain, thus forcing potential followers to wait around ad infinitum for you to grant them access to your secret Instagram treasures, which I presume you must be hoarding if you’ve set your account to private.

As per usual, I’ll be taking suggestions for this much-needed neologism at [email protected].

I don’t think you should “do” anything about it, because, to quote the famous B-side to “Sad But True” (since we’re loosely on the subject of covers that are more famous than the originals), so f*ing what...who cares about you? And by “you,” I mean anybody who practices shitty Twitsagram discipline.

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Dear Hipster:

Every now and again, I get a Twitter follower from my past, often someone I haven’t spoken with since before Twitter existed, and then that person pops up with “so-and-so has followed you.” That’s cool, but for some reason it really bothers me when that person has a private account, and he or she doesn’t accept my follow request. Maybe I’m wrong about this, but if somebody has the time to follow me, he/she ought to have the time to touch a single button and accept my follow back. Is there any way to communicate this?

— Danny, La Mesa

This is one of those weird, unforeseen quirks of partial platform integration. Your social media pretty much treat everyone you’ve ever written an email to as a potential “friend.” I daresay our apps assume too much.

We wouldn’t have this problem if hipsters had designed the whole thing from the ground up. It would be as simple and elegant as a third-wave coffee roaster’s logo.

There should be a word for having a private account that you don’t maintain, thus forcing potential followers to wait around ad infinitum for you to grant them access to your secret Instagram treasures, which I presume you must be hoarding if you’ve set your account to private.

As per usual, I’ll be taking suggestions for this much-needed neologism at [email protected].

I don’t think you should “do” anything about it, because, to quote the famous B-side to “Sad But True” (since we’re loosely on the subject of covers that are more famous than the originals), so f*ing what...who cares about you? And by “you,” I mean anybody who practices shitty Twitsagram discipline.

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I think this requires one to go meditate beneath the Tweet Street sign on Cortez Hill.

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2016/mar/16/92395/

March 16, 2016

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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