American hero Donald Trump defends his country from a Canadian intelligence agent who was probably sent to remove “under God” from the Pledge of Allegiance or “In God we trust” from our money or “So help me God” from the Presidential oath of office.

Most San Diegans know about the All Lives Matter moment before July’s Major League Baseball All-Star Game at Petco Park. Remigio Pereira, a member of the Canadian Tenors, took the opportunity to alter the lyrics of Canada’s national anthem, singing “We’re all brothers and sisters. All lives matter to the great” instead of “With glowing hearts we see thee rise, the True North strong and free.” To illustrate his point, Pereira also held up a sign reading “All lives matter.”

But what is less well-known is what happened afterward. The other members of the Canadian Tenors were quick to apologize for Pereira’s actions and announced that he would not be performing with them again “until further notice.” But not all Canadians were as horrified by the change — far from it. With dizzying speed, a national referendum was mounted, petitioning hot young prime minister Justin Trudeau to formally adopt the new lyrics and their message of inclusion and compassion. And on Thursday of last week, at a special meeting of Canadian parliament, Trudeau did just that.

The Enemy Above: Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump gestures northward as he discusses the Canadian government’s decision to change the lyrics to its national anthem. “This is what we’re up against, America. I mean, right up against: the longest undefended border in the world, one that leaves us totally vulnerable to attacks like this one to our National Pastime. Against baseball itself! And instead of having this singing clown arrested for treason, they’ve gone and made him a national hero!”

“We are a democracy,” said Trudeau during the ceremony, “and in a democracy, power comes from the people. Ideas come from the people. Change comes from the people. There is no divine right, no absolute truth about the way things have to be. A national anthem is not a holy text. It is the expression of a nation’s ideals in song. And the ideal of all lives having equal worth is one I am proud to support. Thank you, Remigio Pereira, for your courage and compassion. I only hope that more Canadians will have the fortitude to follow your example.”

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton praised the decision, noting that “Canada has never been much of a country, and ‘O Canada’ has never been much of an anthem. I salute this attempt at national rebranding and look forward to a bright future working with a man who has no use for the past.” But Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump criticized the move as “the work of progressive radicals who will stop at nothing to destroy the very traditions that made their country great. Or pretty good, anyway. If you can change the national anthem by decree, maybe you can do the same to the Constitution! I ask you, Democrats, is that really the game you want to play, given the very real possibility of my election? Odds bodkin! We’ve got illegal immigrants and drug smugglers assaulting us from the south, a horde of young, male Muslim ‘refugees’ headed for our eastern seaboard on Hillary Clinton’s invite, the Chinese invasion of our economy coming across the Pacific, and now an intellectual attack on the very notion of patriotism from the north. Is it any wonder I want to build a wall?”