Ode to My Terrible Poem

• I loathe you more
• than a full blown tantrum.

• More than eating crow
• with your tongue shoved down my throat.

• More than hip hop, more than
• this red thong shimmied up my ass.

• I’d rather throw you to the dogs
• with the bitch next door

• grind you to a nub,
• snort smack in my sleep for how you
• make me swear.

• I want to cut out your tongue
• serve it up with Hog Island sheep balls,
• you yellow bellied ditz.

• I hate you more than pink eye.

• Unpolished little bitch, you don’t deserve
• the sweat on my forehead.

• For the last time
• I’m calling you out, archiving you
• kicking and screaming
• strangling you with your tasteless lingerie,
• chintzy hokum, your strapless obvious.
• From this moment on you are as dead to me
• as that blind date Quentin Goodenough
• adjusting his false teeth under the porch light,
• his lips parted for a kiss.

Anyone who has struggled unsuccessfully to bring a piece of creative writing — or any other kind of project — to completion should be able to identify with this passionate and hilarious poem. Deborah Allbritain works as a speech pathologist for the Poway Unified School District, where she specializes in students with autism spectrum disorders. Her poems have appeared in Stand Up Poetry, The Unmade Bed, In the Palm of Your Hand, The Antioch Review, Autism Digest, and many other journals and anthologies. “Ode to my Terrible Poem” has not previously been published and is used here by permission.