G.I. Drone — a Real American Hero

San Diego Veteran's Day Parade organizer Ruth Lesslie held a press conference this afternoon to answer criticism over her decision to allow a General Atomics Predator Drone to lead this year's Veteran's Day Parade. "First of all, these drones are what we have instead of boots on the ground in Pakistan. Pakistan is where the bad guys are. But do you really want us to declare war on yet another country? I didn't think so. So we send in the drones. The Pakistanis get to express outrage while doing nothing — because what are they going to do? But if we send in the troops, well then, that's an invasion. Then they'd have to do something, and that something is torture and kill American soldiers."

"Second, anyone who complains about drones in the parade should consider the alternative: more veterans. More people leaving their families to go overseas and do things that are frequently terrible even if they're necessary. More dead, more wounded. I like to think that we would welcome a day when we saw an entirely automated Veteran's Day parade, a day to salute the robot armies that keep us safe and free."

"Third, you might want to think twice about running your yap. These drones have some pretty sophisticated surveillance technology on board, and have been known to get a little touchy. Sometimes, things go off…unexpectedly."

"Jeez, people," concluded Lesslie. "Can't you just rally 'round for a day and stop fretting about moral complexities? Shed a tear and give a cheer for our men and women in uniform! Next, you'll be asking us to include the maimed civilian victims of drone attacks. No wait — forget I said that."