Staying awake behind the wheel

Heymatt:

I do a lot of long-distance driving and keeping myself alert and wakeful is always a challenge. Drinking coffee and caffeinated energy drinks like Red Bull and whatnot is a pretty good strategy to stay alert, but it kind of gives me the shakes and jitters after a while. Know any good tricks to stay awake behind the wheel?

— Brian, Clairemont

Staying perky is one thing, awake is another. If you’re out there fighting off sleep, do us all a favor and just don’t drive. I don’t want to read more obituaries than I have to in the course of normal life, okay? Having said that, I realize that you and others in your position are going to keep doing what you do. With the caveat that I’d rather see you just not drive, I’ll offer the following advice straight from Uncle Marvin Alice, who did a few stints as a long-haul trucker way back when Monster, Rockstar, and Red Bull were just glints in the marketeers’ eyes: Drink water. Lots of it. Drink until you’re full and then drink a little more. Pretty soon, you’ll have to pee like a racehorse. Don’t. If you think you know the meaning of focus, try spending hours behind the wheel of a car with a full bladder begging for release. You will be able to think of nothing else. Sleep will become a joke, a thing you used to do before you had to hold back oceans of fluid by sheer willpower alone. Good luck.