Here are some résumé, application, and interview blunders which employers have shared with me. They would be amusing if they weren’t so tragic, and so avoidable:

We received a résumé written in long-hand on three-ring notebook paper.

One résumé was obviously typed on a typewriter. I guess the candidate was not aware of the latest technology known as computers and printers.

The entire résumé was written in huge type.

In the “Personal Profile” section, we find: “Spend nearly 100+ hours a week playing video games with years of experience under me.” He is also attending college. Does he ever sleep?

Same résumé as above, also in the “Personal Profile” section: “I am a hard worker with much availability and readiness to work” (how much time is there left after those 100-plus hours a week on video games?)

In the “Education” section we find the high school diploma listed first, followed by the college work. If one is currently in college, listing a high school diploma is not necessary.

In the “Experience” section we find: “Was an exhibitionist at Comic-Con.” Probably should be exhibitor.

The applicant listed [email protected] as her email address. Who wants to hire an angry chick?

The 53-page résumé was emailed. We didn’t print it, too much paper, and who wants to read a 53-page résumé anyway?

Here are some “Funniest Résumé Blunders and Bloopers” as reported by author and executive job search coach, Meg Guiseppi:

In answer to the question “Why Interested In Position?” the candidate said: “to keep my parole officer from putting me back in jail.”

In the Objective section of a résumé the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position with our rival firm.

Objective: “career on the Information Supper Highway.” I guess the candidate was hungry.

One applicant printed his résumé on the back of his current employer’s letterhead.

Even more interesting was the résumé that had several grease stains and a smudge of chocolate on it.

Under “Other Interests,” one man wrote, “Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife.)”

Author Barbara Safani reports these interesting bloopers and blunders:

“Position Desired: Profreader.

“Dates of Employment: 2002-9999” Wow, that is long-term employment!

“Educational Achievements: Maintained a 2.0 GPA” Do not show GPA unless it is above 3.75.

“References: Scott.” A last name and contact information would be helpful.

“Experience: Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting.” Yum. Yum.

Application question: “How large was the department you worked in with your last company?” Answer: “three stories.”

“Reason for leaving: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.”

“Office Equipment: Stapler.” Okay. Anything else?

“Current Salary: $36,000.” “Salary desired: $250,000.” At least the applicant was being honest.

Additional bloopers:

“Job Description: ‘I worked in a furniture factory as a drawer.” Ouch.

“Experienced in all faucets of accounting.” Hot, cold, stainless, brass.

“Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse.” A house might have been easier.

“Responsibility makes me nervous.”

“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

Languages: “Speak English and Spinach.” Popeye would be proud.

“I am a ‘neat nut’ with a reputation for being hardnosed. I have no patience for sloppywork, carlessmistakes, and theft of companytime.” I guess the candidate was in a hurry when typing some of those words.

“Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.”

“Experienced supervisor, defective with both rookies and seasoned professionals.”

“Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.”

Lesson? It would be a good idea to carefully proofread your résumé and application. Also have a second pair of educated eyes review it a second time as well, and maybe even a third time.