My Agent Says

• My agent says Los Angeles will call.
• My broker says to sell without delay.
• My doctor says the spot is very small.
• My lover says get tested right away.

• My congressman says yes, he truly cares.
• My bottle says he’ll see me after five.
• My mirror says to pluck a few stray hairs.
• My mother says that she is still alive.

• My boss says that I’d better take a chair.
• My enemy says turn the other cheek.
• My rival says that all in love is fair.
• My brother says he’s coming for a week.

• My teacher says my work is very neat.
• My ex-wife says I haven’t heard the last.
• My usher says the big guy’s in my seat.
• My captain says to bind him to the mast.

• My master says I must be taught my place.
• My conscience says my schemes will never fly.
• My father says he doesn’t like my face.
• My lawyer says I shouldn’t testify.

• My buddy says this time I’ve got it bad.
• My first love says she can’t recall my name.
• My baby says my singing makes her sad.
• My dog says that she loves me all the same.

• My pastor says to walk the narrow path.
• My coach says someone else will get the ball.
• My God says I shall bend beneath His wrath.
• My agent says Los Angeles may call.

R.S. Gwynn’s poetry has been characterized as “Bleakly serious and wickedly humorous.” “My Agent Says” was published in No Word of Farewell: Selected Poems 1970–2000, published by Story Line Press. Reprinted by permission.