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“Well, open the box,” I prompted.

“Oh,” Jenny said with a bit of disappointment. But when she saw the pamphlets and software, she lit up again. “It is!”

“There’s more,” I said, indicating she should continue to fish around inside the box. Everyone else in the room seemed as confused as the bride. Finally, Jenny lifted a cardboard panel to reveal colorful tissue paper, into which six pairs of practical but cute panties had been folded.

My mother breathed a sigh of relief, and Jenny seemed flummoxed. The gag of my gift was to have everyone expect the worst and then throw them with something completely...

tasteful. It never occurred to me that Jenny would have been ecstatic to receive an external hard drive and disappointed to find panties where the device should have been.

Because I felt bad and wanted to put a smile on Jenny’s face (while cleverly stealing the spotlight), I called everyone to attention and, in a raised voice, explained the last game Heather had devised.

“Here in my hand are some things Jenny said while opening her presents. I will read them now, and you are to think of them as though they are the things Jenny will say on her wedding night.” When the playful gasps subsided, I began with: “I know this game. Nothing is coming out of my mouth.” By the time I’d reached the last phrase, “It’s so big, how could I not find it?” all faces in the room were strained from laughing. When I saw Jenny’s face contorted in the unlikely combination of mortification and sheer delight, I knew it was “mission accomplished” for this bridal shower, and I wanted nothing more than to do it again.

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mama_luvs_2_cook June 27, 2008 @ 10:13 a.m.

I just wanted to give my best wishes to your sis and Brad. I went to high school ( in Poway) with Brad - he was always such a great guy! I hope they are very happy together!


jim87vette June 27, 2008 @ 11:45 a.m.

A panty party cool concept never been to one lol.My wife and I did the same as you and David took the elope route.Oh congrats to your Sis.I can't stop thinking about being in a semi heated moment and removing my wifes panties and saying "wow these are real sexy honey".And then when I get this answer "your Mother bought them for me"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW make them go away lmao!


Barbarella Fokos June 27, 2008 @ 12:53 p.m.

I will be sure to pass those best wishes along, Mama! Brad IS a great guy, and I count myself fortunate to have him as a brother-in-law.


Barbarella Fokos June 27, 2008 @ 12:55 p.m.

Haha, Jim! So true, which is why I think Candie made the right decision. Four years ago, the year David first spent Christmas with my family, my mother gifted me with some panties that said "diva" across the butt. Needless to say, I never wore them, but the thought was appreciated. ;)


Barbarella Fokos June 28, 2008 @ 9:06 a.m.

Nina, that sounds skanktastic. I agree that there's a time and place, not to mention an appropriate audience, for the nastier, more graphic antics that befall the bride-to-be.


NinaNaNaNa June 27, 2008 @ 2:36 p.m.

You had a better experience than I did.

I recently attended my cousin's finace's bridal shower and I knew she was a skank so why I had expected her friends to be anything otherwise is beyond me.

My poor grandmothers were horrified as she opened one prostitute-status lingerie set after another. Not one of them was clever enough to disguise each bag's contents with a pretty 'bridal shower' giftbag either - they were all covered with naked men and one even had all shapes, sizes, and colored d***s all over the bag.

How she could even bare to open the sex toys, videos and everything else in front of GRANDMA's is beyond me. I'm all for fun but this crossed the line. They are my grandma's, you know!?

Needless to say, my grandmothers felt out of place and underappreciated with their presents: his and hers sets of towels & robes and a new stoneware set. I even felt out of place with my wedding scrapbook and scrapbooking kit. (I'm such a grandma apparently!)

The skank is going on her bachelorette party this weekend - what else is there left for her best friends to get her? I'm not sure why she even bothered registering at Bed Bath & Beyond.


pete78 June 27, 2008 @ 6:35 p.m.

Hey Barb...I hear that if you dig in the dumpster behind F Street downtown you can find all sorts of free sex toys. I call it "dipping in the D-Mart at F Street." Ollie could probably help you out. But remember not to take anything that is sticky.


Barbarella Fokos June 28, 2008 @ 9:07 a.m.

Pete, not a bad idea. I'll make sure Ollie brings those latex gloves he should have used the first time. ;)


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