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Tuesday, January 16 All My Children

ABC 12:00 p.m. Day six: Back on the health bandwagon! This morning, I thought, Why the hell am I drinking booze and coffee in the morning to get into better shape? That's ridiculous! I'll switch to beer in the afternoon. Anything before noon isn't good for you, you know.

Wednesday, January 17 FLW Outdoors

Fox Sports World 11:00 a.m. Day seven: One week of clean livin'! I feel like a million bucks. I thought it was stupid to drive to the gym and then walk on a treadmill when I could walk in the great outdoors. Ah, the glory of North Park in the morning. The air is brisk and smells faintly of carne asada. My first walk, I made it to the liquor store, half the distance to the gym. Without having to worry about getting into my running shorts, I completed the workout in my bathrobe and picked up some beer for my afternoon health drink. Michelob Ultra. It's low carb.

Thursday, January 18 Real World/Road Rules Challenge

MTV 10:00 a.m. Day eight: I've gone back to my traditional diet drink. I had been fooling myself this whole time. I'm not really following a diet-and-exercise regimen if I keep changing it. So, it's vodka, chocolate milk, and Tabasco. I even drank it on my workout walk this morning. My walk was shorter than usual, though. I made it out to the street where my pickup is parked, and I sat on the tailgate. You know, for fresh air. It's been a whole week, and I'll take it easy today to reward myself for a job well done. It feels good to set a goal and stick to it.

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