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Someone had already made a preemptive complaint before the film rolled and the girls had been warned. On my way to the restroom, I flagged down a theater employee and said, "Yo, theater 14, chicks up front won't shut it." By the time I returned to my seat, they were gone, and loudly whispered "Thank you's" came from every direction. I snuck out the flask of Baileys, took a swig, and made myself as comfortable as I could while still keeping a safe distance from the germ-infested seat beneath me.

"Man, that movie sucked," I said as we exited the theater. Before we made it as far as the main entrance, we bumped into two little old ladies.

"Do you know what this movie is about?" asked the one with blue hair. She gestured at the marquees, which was scrolling " Pursuit of Happyness ."

"I think it's a Will Smith movie," I said. "Something about a guy -- true story, I read it in a magazine -- who was, like, homeless or something and had a kid, but he perseveres and prevails. I haven't seen it, but I heard it's good."

"What do you think, Trudy?" Blue Hair asked her blonde buddy. "How about this one next?"

"Sure, why not?"

I turned and whispered to Jen, "Oh, my God, they're theater hopping! I bet they've been here all day doing a movie marathon on the same ticket."

Jen watched the ladies disappear into the darkness and said, "I wonder what they've got in those big purses."

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