Eye Bags

Hello, Matt:

When I get up in the morning and I look in the mirror, I resemble someone who went 15 rounds with Apollo Creed. My question is, why are there bags under my eyes? They appear even if I didn't have a rager with those pesky elves. Thanks, man.

-- Lucious Periwinkle, University Heights

Ah, the Boomers enter the Eye-Bag Years. Probably several things going on here, according to staff quack Dr. Doctor. First of all, we've got your delicate eye-bag area -- very thin skin with lots of tiny blood vessels and not much elasticity. Ripe for bagiosity. Second of all, while you're sleeping, body fluids, aided by all those blood vessels and the Boomers' enemy, gravity, are pooling in your low places, like under your eyeballs. Fluid-pooling equals eye pouches. Once you hop out of bed, gasp at what you see in the mirror, and go get some coffee, gravity becomes your friend again and eye-bag fluids begin to drain away. Dr. Doctor suspects there's something else going on, though. Maybe you're developing allergies, which will create spectacular morning eye-bags. Too much salt, alcohol, or restless sleep will do it. Even weather changes. Dr. Doctor suggests you try to trick gravity and sleep with your head elevated. Cheaper than plastic surgery.