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Cindy told me her husband Tim found the turtle on the street around the time the movie E.T. came out. I told Cindy that my parents used to listen to a comedian and musician named Tim MacDonald. "He was in a group called Texas Tuxedo and they became Bird & MacDonald." She said, "Yeah, that's my husband." When I was ten, my parents would often go to see them perform. My older brother and I weren't allowed to listen to their songs. They were often parodies with X-rated lyrics. We'd sneak the tapes out of their room and listen to them anyway. They did a version of "A Boy Named Sue," in which the kid doesn't turn tough because of the name, but gay. Bird & MacDonald wrote parodies of everyone, and original songs that got popular. One called the "Candy Wrapper" uses various candy bars in the lyrics to create a dirty story. That got them a lawsuit, and the song hasn't been performed since.

Tim performs now without Bird and uses the name Mac MacDonald. One of his buddies told me, "He was playing 'Love Me Two Times' the other night. And you can put a buck in the tip jar to get him to stop any song. And if someone else puts two dollars in, the song will continue. So I put a dollar in; I thought that would generate him some tips from people wanting the song to be continued. Nobody else put a tip in, but a guy wanted to kick my ass. He was telling me how much he liked the Doors and how he wanted to hear the song. He didn't realize he could restart it." MacDonald then tells me about an idea his wife had. Since people always yell for "Freebird," there is a tip jar that says "$100 to play Freebird." A few people have paid it.

I ask Cindy if it's hard being married to a musician who is always performing (often in other cities). She said, "I understand that's his job. And that he often sees women at these shows. He once told me, 'Yeah, I see a lot of T and A, but you get my DNA'."

Late in the afternoon, people were starting to leave. I heard one guy say, "We better take off now, while we can still drive." Another person said, "That's why I rode my bicycle here. I can drink as much as I want."

I met a dental assistant who was one of the few people left at the party. She told me her husband, a retired dentist, had been stabbed. (I had to stay for this story.) She said it was a racist patient that complained about her husband's black dental assistant working on him. When he tried to calm the patient down, he was stabbed in the thigh.

I left with a CD Mac gave me for my parents. And armed with a plan for the next time my dentist stabs my teeth with sharp instruments.

Crash your party? Call 619-235-3000 x421 and leave an invitation for Josh Board.

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