Got milk?

Matt Alice:

My masseuse is pregnant, well endowed, and said her breasts should have extra milk. We wondered if human milk has ever been processed for general consumption. Is there a market for breast milk, and where would one find such products as Mother's Genuine Yogurt and Ice Cream?

-- Curious near Miramar

Like, she's not making enough dough as a boobacious masseuse, she has visions of a mammary empire? The Ben & Jerry of breast milk? The elves found a recipe, but that's about it. Oh, yeah, and a bank. The Human Milk Banking Association of North America accepts donations of mother's milk from screened donors, processes it for safety, freezes it, and makes it available to infants whose mothers can't breast feed them. It's dispensed by doctor's prescription. Human milk for infants has many short- and long-term advantages over formula or milk from other beasties. So maybe there's a place for Ma Sseuse in the world of lactic banking. Money is the mother's milk of just about everything, as they say. FYI, the recipe we found is a sort of rice porridge as baby's first solid food, spiced with mother's milk to make it yummy. There is rumored to be a recipe for a homemade candy that uses mother's milk as an ingredient, but we can't confirm it's a serious enterprise. So while there are always big bucks to be made from big boobs, getting Mom's Real Deal Cottage Cheese past the Department of Agriculture might be tough.

Mom's Milk Musings

This just in, from "Lactating Masseuse in North Park":

I just want to make sure you know that breast size has nothing to do with milk production. The variation is size from one woman to another has mostly to do with the amount of fatty tissue in the breast, and fatty tissue does not make milk�. The more the baby nurses, the more milk mom will produce. A flat-chested woman can easily feed twins (even triplets) with no problem. I don't think the boobacious masseuse will have "extra" milk as long as her baby nurses regularly.