Speed records: Sneeze, cough, fart

Hey:

Which of the following expels air from the body fastest, hardest: sneeze, cough, or fart? What would happen if you did all three at the same time?

-- Dave from Arkansas

Another big thinker from Arkansas, by golly. And we thought Bill and Hillary got all the brains. So Dave, it's like this. Coughs and sneezes are both reflexes that ultimately squeeze your chest and force out air. When you sneeze, your uvula and the soft part of the back of your throat automatically block your mouth, and all that air is funneled through small nasal passages. When you cough, your mouth isn't blocked. Fastest laboratory-tested sneeze: 103 mph. Cough? Somewhere between 60 and 70 mph. Fart? The average human farts 14 times a day, but there's no data on speed. Not likely fast enough to get you a ticket in a school zone, though. All three at once? You'd fall over because you'd be laughing your ass off.