Why can't I get a freeway sign that says "Jack's Grub and Beer, next exit"?

What's the deal, Matt:

I was driving up the 805 the other day and I noticed a freeway exit sign that said "Maric College." Right after that was another sign that said "National University." These are private businesses. How do they rate a freeway exit sign? Can I have them put up an exit sign for my restaurant?

-- Don't Get It, the net

Dialed up Caltrans and had a nice chat with Peggy the Sign Queen. She had all the answers. According to a special state law, it is legal for any post-secondary school to have its name on a freeway sign. Hmmm. Smell the pork in that barrel? Anyway, say you run the Gorgeous Pretty Beauty Nail Salon and School for Aestheticians. You submit a letter to Caltrans setting forth in detail the reasons your school rates an exit sign, and they'll consider it. Your school must have (and maintain) a very large enrollment, it must be within two miles of the exit in question, and the surrounding jurisdiction (city or county) must be willing to put up additional direction signs to your wisdom emporium. You can't dump people at the top of the ramp with no clue about which way to turn. Finally, you must be willing to pay for all this. No taxpayer dollars were harmed in the making of the Maric sign.