Quantcast
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

End-of-year quiz: clove cigarettes and cancer, vegetarian vampire

And the Great Boston Molasses Flood of 1919

Hope you wore the shirt with the crib notes on the sleeve. - Image by Rick Geary
Hope you wore the shirt with the crib notes on the sleeve.

’Tis the night before Christmas, and the elves are all hung by the chimney with care. Otherwise, they eat the tinsel. But at least they were easy to shop for—two dozen CDs, Hanson: The Early Years. I think they got me the bootleg director’s cut of Home Alone 3. Anyway, speaking of Yuletide customs, I’ve got to help Ma Alice pry open the pig’s mouth so she can jam in the apple. So until dinner’s ready, you all go into the front room and take our sporadically traditional year-end quiz to see if you’ve been paying attention. Hope you wore the shirt with the crib notes on the sleeve.

When Martin from La Jolla asked about his favorite clove cigarettes, we learned the biggest health risk is:

a. Cancer from nicotine

b. Emphysema from dove oils

c. Nosebleed from the reeking stench

d. Bites from swarming insects

e. Bruises from revolted bystanders

The Great Boston Molasses Flood of 1919 killed 21 people. We told Tim (on the Net) it was caused by a huge...: ''

a. Vat explosion c. Hurricane

b. Labor dispute d. Food fight

The molasses covered several city blocks, three feet deep. They cleaned it up with...:

a. Seawater c. Paper towels

b. Mr. Clean d. 750,000 waffles

If Andy (on the Net) finds a skull buried in his back yard, legally he can...:

a. Leave it there; consider it a lawn ornament , b. Paint it silver, use it as a hood ornament

c. Add a bulb; use it as a night light

d. Call the cops; hire Johnnie Cochran

Fun in Hollywood: All the following statements are true. Which is most likely to make you shake your head, slap your forehead with your palm, and never spend another dime at a movie theater?

a. Unless they heed our continual warnings, the Hollywood Walk of Fame will soon have two identical stars for actors named Harrison Ford.

b. You have to lie to 20th Century Fox to trick them into revealing that they throw away useless copies of old films.

c. Goofy is a dog; but you can pursue, corner, and threaten a Disney Answer Princess, and she still won’t admit it publicly.

“Is the lemon slice in my drink soaking up all the rum?” “I’ve been amusing my friends by singing ‘Jimmy crack com and I don’t care.’ What’s that mean?” And, “Is there a corporate conspiracy keeping me from owning my own freeze-dryer?” These questions could only have come from:

a. Michael Jackson c. Shemp

b. Burl Ives d. Pacific Beach

Cocker spaniel is to upas as beer-drinker is to:

a. Zima c. Cue balls

b. Bullfrogs d. Urinal ice

In California, dissing Rosie O’Donnell is:

a. Unimaginable b. A felony .

We told Teeseebee to stop kissing her cat because

a. Fleas can carry a rare, fatal virus

b. Tuna breath... Ugh!

c. Cats are fickle; she’ll just get her heart broken

Essay time: Net-surfing for answers to a question from Abduque (the Net), we found an interview with a vegetarian vampire. Discuss the practical and philosophical implications of this belief system.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Bobbi and Mark sleep above the lions in Alpine

Lions Tigers & Bears is not a zoo
Next Article

Dress up with cork wedges from Aerosoles and a necklace from Pier 1

“For three months, I existed only on yoga pants and sweatpants.”
Hope you wore the shirt with the crib notes on the sleeve. - Image by Rick Geary
Hope you wore the shirt with the crib notes on the sleeve.

’Tis the night before Christmas, and the elves are all hung by the chimney with care. Otherwise, they eat the tinsel. But at least they were easy to shop for—two dozen CDs, Hanson: The Early Years. I think they got me the bootleg director’s cut of Home Alone 3. Anyway, speaking of Yuletide customs, I’ve got to help Ma Alice pry open the pig’s mouth so she can jam in the apple. So until dinner’s ready, you all go into the front room and take our sporadically traditional year-end quiz to see if you’ve been paying attention. Hope you wore the shirt with the crib notes on the sleeve.

When Martin from La Jolla asked about his favorite clove cigarettes, we learned the biggest health risk is:

a. Cancer from nicotine

b. Emphysema from dove oils

c. Nosebleed from the reeking stench

d. Bites from swarming insects

e. Bruises from revolted bystanders

The Great Boston Molasses Flood of 1919 killed 21 people. We told Tim (on the Net) it was caused by a huge...: ''

a. Vat explosion c. Hurricane

b. Labor dispute d. Food fight

The molasses covered several city blocks, three feet deep. They cleaned it up with...:

a. Seawater c. Paper towels

b. Mr. Clean d. 750,000 waffles

If Andy (on the Net) finds a skull buried in his back yard, legally he can...:

a. Leave it there; consider it a lawn ornament , b. Paint it silver, use it as a hood ornament

c. Add a bulb; use it as a night light

d. Call the cops; hire Johnnie Cochran

Fun in Hollywood: All the following statements are true. Which is most likely to make you shake your head, slap your forehead with your palm, and never spend another dime at a movie theater?

a. Unless they heed our continual warnings, the Hollywood Walk of Fame will soon have two identical stars for actors named Harrison Ford.

b. You have to lie to 20th Century Fox to trick them into revealing that they throw away useless copies of old films.

c. Goofy is a dog; but you can pursue, corner, and threaten a Disney Answer Princess, and she still won’t admit it publicly.

“Is the lemon slice in my drink soaking up all the rum?” “I’ve been amusing my friends by singing ‘Jimmy crack com and I don’t care.’ What’s that mean?” And, “Is there a corporate conspiracy keeping me from owning my own freeze-dryer?” These questions could only have come from:

a. Michael Jackson c. Shemp

b. Burl Ives d. Pacific Beach

Cocker spaniel is to upas as beer-drinker is to:

a. Zima c. Cue balls

b. Bullfrogs d. Urinal ice

In California, dissing Rosie O’Donnell is:

a. Unimaginable b. A felony .

We told Teeseebee to stop kissing her cat because

a. Fleas can carry a rare, fatal virus

b. Tuna breath... Ugh!

c. Cats are fickle; she’ll just get her heart broken

Essay time: Net-surfing for answers to a question from Abduque (the Net), we found an interview with a vegetarian vampire. Discuss the practical and philosophical implications of this belief system.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Interact with Animals, On the Harbor with Hard Kombucha, Interior Design Home Tours

Events July 9-July 11, 2020
Next Article

A poem for Independence Day by Francis Scott Key

His poem “Defence of Fort McHenry” became the lyrics to “The Star-Spangled Banner”
Comments
0

Be the first to leave a comment.

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Art Reviews — W.S. Di Piero's eye on exhibits Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Best Buys — San Diego shopping Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits City Lights — News and politics Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Famous Former Neighbors — Next-door celebs Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Here's the Deal — Chad Deal's watering holes Just Announced — The scoop on shows Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Of Note — Concert picks Out & About — What's Happening Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Pour Over — Grab a cup Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer News — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Set 'em Up Joe — Bartenders' drink recipes Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Sports — Athletics without gush Street Style — San Diego streets have style Suit Up — Fashion tips for dudes Theater Reviews — Local productions Theater antireviews — Narrow your search Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Waterfront — All things ocean Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close