Men's bathroom reading habits

Matthew Alice: I was in the ladies’ room at work recently when a few of us began discussing why it is that men have the peculiar habit of taking reading material (magazines, newspapers) into the john with them. It seems to be a strictly male trait. One theory is that generally speaking, women drink more water (i.e., tend to be more health conscious), men don’t seem to, and perhaps tend to be constipated. Theirs being a more time-consuming trip to the restroom, they take reading material along to while away the time. What’s your theory? — The gals in the LGR at work, downtown

Instead of offering my own warped guesses, I put this one to the population at large in another flagrantly unreliable survey of average, unsuspecting guys. Sixty percent of respondents said it was the only place they could get any peace and quiet. Forty percent tried to smash my clipboard into my face. Gals always sit when they go to the john. Guys sit occasionally; it’s a bigger event; it’s like retiring to the den for a peaceful interlude with Sports Illustrated. Who says the john is being used every moment for john-type purposes? For the men weird enough to answer me, it seems like a big tile-and-porcelain sanctuary.