Your payees expect you to pay the postage

Dear Matthew Alice: I was paying my bills when a question occurred to me that only you could answer. Why is it that envelopes that come with bills are always marked “Place Stamp Here” or some such message? Do the companies think we think they are going to pay for the mailing? I used to work for a company that used a postal meter. We couldn't send any bills through because of that stupid statement. What gives? — Greg, San Diego

If I hadn’t been toiling at this silly job for so many years, I’d figure you were kidding. But I know better now. I’m sure the company you worked for really did hand-affix postage stamps to their bills. You might dial up your old friends and tell them it’s perfectly okay to shoot those envelopes through a postage meter. Honestly. The post office told me so. (And tell them it’s okay to tear those manufacturers’ tags off their mattresses, too.)

And please don’t say you’re amazed that some sorehead would intentionally mail his Visa payment without a stamp. That someone would be so peeved at the finance charges he’d figure, “They can make me pay the bill, but they can’t make me pay the postage.” Why, even Matthew Alice has had that cheap revenge fantasy.

Those instructions on envelopes are put there precisely because people love sticking it to the gas company, the phone company, department stores; etc., by mailing their bills without stamps. Guess they have visions of their creditors shelling out thousands each week in postage-due payments. Well, fat chance. Ordinarily, the postal service intercepts the naked envelopes and whips them back into your mailbox, politely requesting that you pay up. And if you leave off your return address hoping to foil that plot, the P.O. will just set your envelope aside until they have time to open it and find your address on your check or bill stub. And then they whip it right back into your mailbox. In either case, your payment is late, and, as usual, all you’ve done is shoot yourself in the foot.