Same carnage, different kids. This time the torture-porn embraces alternative forms of medicine such as acupuncture and laser surgery (if you have a thing about eyes, it’s best to close yours). There’s a terrific mounting sight gag (did you hear the one about the gymnast, a thumbtack, and a balance beam?), but the film is never able to top its spectacular opening CG destruction of a bridge during rush hour. And, not unlike a porno, you’re going to want to fast-forward through the dialogue scenes. If you must see it, see it in 3-D. Steven Quale directed; with Nicholas D'Agosto, Emma Bell, and the laughably bad Miles Fisher. (2011) — Scott Marks
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