Eva Knott 10:44 a.m., May 18
I've got to stop awfulizing... because righteous indignation does not do a body good.
So what, if I come home, and the NO PARKING sign that I affixed to the fence in front of my residence is gone AGAIN and someone is in my spot. I'm not going run my key the length of that car, although I feel like it. That jolt of adrenaline, with nowhere to go inside me, stews like toxic waste.
So what, if the Excel Construction Company men with their big boy trucks and backhoes, are here day after day after day, tractor trailer engines idling outside my door,digging holes and refilling and digging again, long after they said they be done. I go out there with my reporter's notebook, wanting some names. Oh, we're actually ahead of schedule, a nameless one tells me. The bad news though, he tells me, is that after they're done, another company will come in, scrape off the top layer of asphalt they just lay, and seal it with some nasty, environmentally unfriendly topping. HELLO! Is anyone home around here? Why am I the only one outraged?
Oh, but wait, that's right...outrage doesn't serve me. Recently, I have begun channeling that anger energy into a healthier pursuit, one that is actually making me stronger. Want to know what that is?
When I feel tension building, I kick up into a handstand. Hah! It's the ultimate attitude adjustment. Handstand pushups against a wall or a closet inside the house, or freestanding handstands on the grass. If I fall, I'm jolted back to myself, out of my head and moral outrage.
Usually, when I listen, I hear four or five man or machine made sounds--a car driving by, a refrigerator hum, the distant roar of traffic on the 5, a water truck idling, the coaster horn blasting. I've been training myself though, to listen between the sounds....right now the wind is whooshing , birds twitter, geese honk. The men must be at lunch, maybe sitting under trees; they too, listen and rest ears and bodies from machines. It's still and peaceful...it's a perfect moment...no before or after...and in this moment I am in love.