In my neighborhood the bad nabes die.

I've lived on this street almost ten years. Have had some boring and not-so-nice nabes who have all passed; the good ones have lived on, so this neighborhood is getting better.

First there was Boring Bob down the street. He was an old, tiresome, retired government worker who fried everyone at the local hot tub with his repetitive, stories about his government work life. His tales were usually interspersed with sexist comments and blabber about his great achievements (not) in the Navy. Boring Bob went to the big Government retirement in the sky several years ago leaving Crazy Vietnamese Wife at his house.

Crazy Vietnamese Wife shouted at all the neighborhood kids whenever possible though they stayed a respectable distance from her house. Crazy Vietnamese Wife went to the Crazy Wife In the Sky Land just a few months ago; life in this 'hood is now calmer and more kid-compatible.

Doug's wife wasn't so bad. She just didn't talk to anyone, barely acknowledging their presence when she encountered them on the street. She went to unpleasant nabe land in the sky land three years ago after a long bout with cancer.

Debbie. Debbie didn't like some of us, we never knew why. She wouldn't even return our waves or say hi. In fact, she seemed to only like nabes whose kids went to her kids' private schools. Debbie had heart failure at only 48 years of age a year ago, and now she joins Boring Bob, Crazy Vietnamese Wife, and Doug's Wife in Not Nice Nabe Heaven.

They can stay there.

There are a few more around here who are almost as unpleasant as Bob and Crazy. The past association president, Dave, is trying his best to deny street time to the nabe kids even though they cause very little commotion. When he was president, he docked every community member for the tiniest infraction such as adding a different doorknob or not taking down Halloween decorations exactly by the last day required. Dave seems to have little else in his life other than being the most hated person around here. We have a present prez who is more concerned with serious community infractions than ridiculously small details that affect no one.

Dave is now fighting to have this present prez kicked outta office (as most Americans are trying to do to another prez, but that is another story). The emails are flying, the signs on the mailboxes promised better and improved management. Dave wants to be back in power and back assigning tickets to any car left on the street more than 15 minutes longer than the community law deems.

Janey is just plain contentious. She yells at her kids as well as anyone who drivies one mile over the speed limit going by her house. She's joined Dave in his attempt to oust the present prez.

However, most of the present nabes are easy going, don't sweat the small stuff and want to keep this area a kids' area. Why the not-so-nice moved in and have stayed here is beyond reason to the rest of us. There are plenty of anti-kids/regulation-heavy communities around San Diego where they'd be so where they'd be so welcome.

Almost forgot about Brad. He's not dead yet but his glacial stares could kill. He bombs into the 'hood every night from work driving Hell Bent for Leather in his van with a glare on his face that could freeze Hell. Guess he just hates anyone who's happy, is a kid or doesn't glare and hate too. I don't want Brad to die, I do wish he'd move anywhere else...

As a new take on an old Billy Joel song, "Only the Bad Die Kind of Young in this 'Hood."