While I realize there's nothing particularly compelling about the following ad (which doesn't even fall in my neighborhood), I feel obliged to award it the Runner-Up:

Lots of Stuff, Small Table, Big Table Drawer etc(Steal Deal) - $20 (mira mesa)

The reason? I didn't know Wikipedia made books. It's like when Slavoj Zizek says, "this is how we can be sure that Shakespeare read Lacan!"

Anachronistic humor aside, today's Objectively Assessed Best Ad on Craigslist is:

1991 Passenger Shuttle Bus - $2400 (Normal Heights)

Either this is a Rod Stewart song in classified ad form...

...OR!

Maybe it's the beginnings of a Cool Runnings sort of come-from-behind, underdog victory. "They didn't have the fastest, prettiest, most 100% pristine Passenger Bus ever, but they did the impossible when no on thought they could." You see, they looked at that bus and they didn't see it as old and in need of a tune-up; they saw potential.

Of course, maybe the ad says it best:

"A)$2400 is a Great Deal for a Shuttle Bus with mileage this low and B) This Vehicle is a great opprotunity [sic] for income and/or a unique personal vehicle."

When I was a kid, I thought the single coolest thing anyone could drive would be a hearse. But not just any hearse, my ideal hearse would be totally unfit for the conveyance of cadavers to the crepuscular crevasses of the cemetery. My hearse would have been illumined by blacklight and outfitted with a sixteen (16) gigawatt stereo, belching leaded race-gas fumes through an exhaust system blessedly bereft of muffler or catalytic converter, rolling on massive chrome wheels with elastic bands where the tires should be, and probably airbrushed (more likely spray bomb rattle canned1) with Batman symbols2 or something equally awesome. Not exactly the sort of car you want carrying Grandma to her final resting place (at least until the lease on the plot runs out).

Clearly, the grown-up version of yesterday's pipe dream is a personal bus. I strongly suspect that--with sufficient funds such as I am thoroughly lacking at the present juncture--I could turn this 1991 Passenger Shuttle into the single coolest vehicle in my neighborhood. With a sweet paint job on the outside and some good lighting inside it would look the part. With a killer stereo it would sound the part. And with a little minibar installed it would taste the part. Everybody would want to get in the party bus.

I'd never drive it anywhere, since I don't like driving and it would be borderline impossible to park. Plus, it prolly swills gas like an M-1 Abrams tank. I can only assume it's wicked costly to insure and needs tons of insuring to cover the huge volume of potential passengers. I'd most likely need some sort of special endorsement on my license to pilot such a craft on public roads.

Come to think of it, perhaps the party bus is best left well within the realm of fantasy.

  1. Can't mention spray paint without doing a shout out to the yarn bombers.

  2. We did end up painting a Bat symbol on the hood of my best friend's car--the epic Nootch Mobile! RIP, Nootch Mobile, RIP.

More like this:

Comments

CuddleFish Oct. 23, 2009 @ 1:45 p.m.

Ooooh, that Knitta article gave me a great idea!!!

As for the hearse thing, you must have been one of those little boys that liked those wild Hot Wheels designs!!

Bus sounds like a good idea in theory, but I think I'd prefer Joe's RV, or both if I could afford them.

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Adam92102 Oct. 23, 2009 @ 3:53 p.m.

Is it me or did Lacan's picture on his Wiki page look like a Chuck Schwab commercial?

See, I would just take out the seats and live in this. I'm sure Stella would be none too pleased but cats are adaptable.

(Stella's Note: Try it, Two Legs. I'll show you adaptable.)

But I always wanted to live in a car big enough to sleep comfortably in and even be able to take my house for a joy ride, if desired. However, I always thought that driving a mail truck as a personal vehicle would be kick ass. I mean, don't get me wrong, I dig the party bus but there's something about the mail truck that just seems like a good thing to drive. Maybe it's because I'm a small person with poor eyesight and driving big vehicles is always a stress for me. Eh, whatever.

A hearse? You'd have to paint it lime green and change your name to Claire Fisher but I think it could work.

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FullFlavorPike Oct. 23, 2009 @ 7:23 p.m.

+3 for personal mail truck usage. +5 if it still has the USPS logos on it.

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antigeekess Oct. 24, 2009 @ 12:33 a.m.

My first boyfriend's car was a '69 black Cadillac hearse.

http://www.cincyconcours.com/2001/he-01-1535.jpg

It had speakers in the back, and a little liquor cabinet. Lots of fun for cruising up and down the strip with 15 people in there and the biggest bottle of Wild Turkey I've ever seen, with a pump on the top. :)

There was also sometimes a coffin in the middle, which his friends would lie down in and spring up from, to surprise the occasional curious motorist. In addition, there was (and this is pretty dark) sometimes a baby coffin, filled with ice and full of beer. Yeah, I know. I thought that kinda crossed a line, myself.

As for the mail truck, you don't want that. Trust me.

That shuttle bus looks way cool, though! Wonder what kind of licensing is required to run a shuttle from the airport? Like, in addition to a business license, do you have to pay the airport to run in and out of there?

If nothing else, it's somebody's Burning Man Roadtrip Bus. :)

I really can't believe it's only $2400. Such a deal. Bet it doesn't last long.

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SDaniels Oct. 24, 2009 @ 12:37 a.m.

I see mention of Lacan and Claire Fisher, so I must be in heaven--though it feels more tonight like six feet under. Usually get the "main" comment in sooner, Pike--apologies, been indisposed. Will take a little time to read carefully, then be back :)

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hambrosia Oct. 24, 2009 @ 7:13 a.m.

How can you speak of cars with sprayed-on bat logos and omit the original Ford Escort Batmobile-Sheep-Swine-Transport-Unit??!?

Not to mention its subsequent retrofit, rebirth and resale as primary vehicle to an unsuspecting limited income consumer?

(at the less than perfect hands of Beagle Boy #1 who, everyone knows, Ma Beagle liked best)

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FullFlavorPike Oct. 24, 2009 @ 9:23 a.m.

5: I don't know where "disposed" is, but you should get out of there, Daniels and come back to us :)

6: Hahahahahahaha! (Almost) too much for the morning!

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FullFlavorPike Oct. 24, 2009 @ 11:20 a.m.

Oh, AG, have you met a guy with a cooler car yet? Must be kind of hard to top that.

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antigeekess Oct. 24, 2009 @ 5:18 p.m.

"Oh, AG, have you met a guy with a cooler car yet? Must be kind of hard to top that."

Never. And considering I usually attract the chronically carless, I'm not very likely to, either.

:)

He rolled that hearse after a few months. Luckily, I wasn't in it at the time.

But I'm pretty sure it wasn't the first thing he'd rolled that day.

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SDaniels Oct. 24, 2009 @ 5:50 p.m.

re: #7: "Indisposed" = Mercy Hospital, Pike. They wanted to keep me there, but I argued my way back out, explaining that I was a fan of a certain blog, and couldn't miss out. :) Actually, I argued that I would be fired from my job if I didn't get back to the land of execrable "grammer;" I am currently hobbling back and forth between Reader and said land of grammer--can't catch up!

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SurfPuppy619 Oct. 24, 2009 @ 7 p.m.

"Indisposed" = Mercy Hospital, Pike. They wanted to keep me there, but I argued my way back out, explaining that I was a fan of a certain blog, and couldn't miss out.

By SDaniels

Are you in the rubber room SD??

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SDaniels Oct. 24, 2009 @ 7:03 p.m.

I wish! I hear they offer bright pink straightjackets that are all the 'rage!' :)

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FullFlavorPike Oct. 24, 2009 @ 9:45 p.m.

If that's Scripps Mercy in Hillcrest, I'll bring you coffee and Babycakes when I get out of work tomorrow. Only the best for a sick SDaniels!

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SDaniels Oct. 25, 2009 @ 3:52 p.m.

"Babycakes." Ooohh, Pikey. You are speaking my language. My abs. favorite is the "blood orange." However, I chose not to stay, and am on a liquid diet of milk-chocolate flavored Ensure at home. Bet given a "Chopped" basket of odd ingredients, you could whip up a wicked fine protein drink, though :)

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SDaniels Oct. 25, 2009 @ 3:58 p.m.

re: #4: "In addition, there was (and this is pretty dark) sometimes a baby coffin, filled with ice and full of beer. Yeah, I know. I thought that kinda crossed a line, myself."

I don't know, AG. The baby coffin keeps the big coffin company.

"That shuttle bus looks way cool, though!"

Here's your way back to San Diego. We all pitch in for a shuttle start up, or a little car service for disgruntled bus riders.

Dollar each way local, fare accrues with additional "zones." We just need a name for it.

Anyone? Names for AG's new shuttle service?

I like "The Drunk Driver," but it is already taken.

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FullFlavorPike Oct. 25, 2009 @ 6:09 p.m.

I live on protein shakes, 'tis true. I go to GNC and buy the Super-Max-Gainer-Ultra-Protein-Muscle-Cyto-Mega-Blah-Blah-Blah shakes and have it for breakfast. Quickest way to nine hundred calories I can find!

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