Ian Pike noon, Dec. 8
While I realize there's nothing particularly compelling about the following ad (which doesn't even fall in my neighborhood), I feel obliged to award it the Runner-Up:
The reason? I didn't know Wikipedia made books. It's like when Slavoj Zizek says, "this is how we can be sure that Shakespeare read Lacan!"
Anachronistic humor aside, today's Objectively Assessed Best Ad on Craigslist is:
Either this is a Rod Stewart song in classified ad form...
Maybe it's the beginnings of a Cool Runnings sort of come-from-behind, underdog victory. "They didn't have the fastest, prettiest, most 100% pristine Passenger Bus ever, but they did the impossible when no on thought they could." You see, they looked at that bus and they didn't see it as old and in need of a tune-up; they saw potential.
Of course, maybe the ad says it best:
"A)$2400 is a Great Deal for a Shuttle Bus with mileage this low and B) This Vehicle is a great opprotunity [sic] for income and/or a unique personal vehicle."
When I was a kid, I thought the single coolest thing anyone could drive would be a hearse. But not just any hearse, my ideal hearse would be totally unfit for the conveyance of cadavers to the crepuscular crevasses of the cemetery. My hearse would have been illumined by blacklight and outfitted with a sixteen (16) gigawatt stereo, belching leaded race-gas fumes through an exhaust system blessedly bereft of muffler or catalytic converter, rolling on massive chrome wheels with elastic bands where the tires should be, and probably airbrushed (more likely spray bomb rattle canned1) with Batman symbols2 or something equally awesome. Not exactly the sort of car you want carrying Grandma to her final resting place (at least until the lease on the plot runs out).
Clearly, the grown-up version of yesterday's pipe dream is a personal bus. I strongly suspect that--with sufficient funds such as I am thoroughly lacking at the present juncture--I could turn this 1991 Passenger Shuttle into the single coolest vehicle in my neighborhood. With a sweet paint job on the outside and some good lighting inside it would look the part. With a killer stereo it would sound the part. And with a little minibar installed it would taste the part. Everybody would want to get in the party bus.
I'd never drive it anywhere, since I don't like driving and it would be borderline impossible to park. Plus, it prolly swills gas like an M-1 Abrams tank. I can only assume it's wicked costly to insure and needs tons of insuring to cover the huge volume of potential passengers. I'd most likely need some sort of special endorsement on my license to pilot such a craft on public roads.
Come to think of it, perhaps the party bus is best left well within the realm of fantasy.
Can't mention spray paint without doing a shout out to the yarn bombers.
We did end up painting a Bat symbol on the hood of my best friend's car--the epic Nootch Mobile! RIP, Nootch Mobile, RIP.