Matthew Craig Burke 10 a.m., Sept. 4
- Community Blog
- Normal Heights Through the Blue and White
True Freedom: A Political Blog
Happy Sunday! Worked all day and then got to craigin.' Found a pretty sweet Runner-Up right away: SWINE FLU Vaccine Not Needed- Safe Alternative! - $20 (Normal Heights). How terrible is it that the wonder drug proves itself during "the field tests in Africa?" Sheesh. Tuskegee, anyone? Also, in case you were wondering, the active ingredient (Chlorine Dioxide) is basically bleach. A bargain at twenty bones.
The big winner for the day, however, is:
Know fear, Fearless Leader! Your days of iron-fisted overlordship are drawing swiftly to a close. No longer shall we be bound by your oppressive injunctions against standardized measurements! When we have installed the nice, new rulers we will be able to choose freely between inches and centimeters. The era of the Fearless Leader Unit (18 FLUs to a Dictator, 6.5 Dictators to a Great and Powerful Nation) is coming to an end--never again will we be subject to a standard unit unrecognized by the rest of the world!
We have demanded color options for too long, Fearless Leader, and our pleas have fallen on deaf ears. Soon, the choice between Red and Blue will be before us and we will revel in that choice! Half shall be Red and half shall be Blue. That, Fearless Leader, is the essence of true freedom!
And don't think, Fearless Leader, don't think for a second that our nice, new Rulers will be sub-standard! We will not settle for the little, cheap, flimsy Rulers. The days of half-dollar rule are over once and for all in this land. Our nice, new Rulers will be "the kind that normally go for a dollar or two!"
You have had your day in the sun, Fearless Leader. True, we worshiped your visage, exalted the ground upon which your mighty footsteps trod, raised monuments to your glory, and bowed before your awesome might. But that was then, Fearless Leader, and this is now. Our nice, new Rulers are coming and it will be a brand new day.