Anybody curious as to how I spent my day can take a look at the chess game I finally won today after sixty moves. My opponent played well, making only one blunder, and I had to stay razor sharp to maintain my advantage for a protracted game. It was difficult, and he almost tricked me into stalemating the game, but I finally pulled it off. He wouldn't let me exchange pieces for the longest time--which is the right thing to do if you're down material--and the game was quite a struggle. Ratings indicate that I'm a stronger player than him, but I definitely felt like he played very well. If anyone wants a game, by the by, it's on.

Anyhoo, Runner-Up gets to sit in the First Loser's Chair (kidding, RU, kidding!) by virtue of exuberant titling and by vice of not being quite as cool as the big winner.

Speaking of whom, Here Be Winners, Yar!:

Budweiser Neon Sign - $125 (Normal Heights)

Not only is it five whole dollars cheaper than the Runner-Up, but it has almost limitless value to true, Bud quaffing Yah Dudes! and ironically decorating hipsters alike! Being something of both, among other things, I naturally want this.

....wait for it...

NOT!

Seriously though, when I was a kid, I always thought that having a neon beer sign was the absolute epitome of coolness.

Sample Thought #1: "My future home--in which I will live as a young, single, adult male--will naturally be decorated with neon beer signs. This is the way that cool, young, single, adult males live. It is simply their nature."

Sample Reality #1: As a young, single, adult male (admittedly of highly debatable coolness--particularly wearing spandex), the "swingin' bachelor pad" of my youthful dreams is actually a lightless torture dungeon. It is impeccably decorated with my ludicrously talented roommate's artwork, and there are enough sweet bikes in the bike corner to keep anyone happy, but it is still a lightless, dismal torture dungeon. I don't even have a problem, per se, with the dungeon--it's just not within a thousand miles of The Vision.

Sample Thought #2: "I will be the kind of guy who cares about Lighted Beer Signs enough to go out, spend half a week's paycheck on one, and hang it proudly in his swingin' bachelor pad where all the sweet parties happen."

Sample Reality #2: Turns out I don't care. Not even a little bit. "Thank gods," I think, "that nobody thinks I'm 'That Guy.'" It's never good to be That Guy. You know who That Guy is? He's anyone you can conceptualize--particularly as a youth--and think of as "some kind of person." Why, among all things, do we visualize growing to fit stereotypes and preconceived notions? In retrospect, I find this incredibly weird, but mostly understandable. It's understandable because, as a young 'un, ALL your notions are preconceived. At some point it just turns into, "hey, how 'bout I just be me?" I don't know at what point, specifically, but somewhere down the line it just kind of happens. And as for all the "sweet parties?" Throw one party and you realize that the last thing you want to do is clean up after all your friends (provided you have lots). This is why people have their parties at restaurants after the en-wisen themselves sufficiently.

Sample Thought #3: "Of course I will have a spare one-point-two-five-hundreds-of-dollars to spend on a neon beer sign! Young, single men have things like that."

Sample Reality #3: Hahahahahahahahaha. Oh, please, stop it! You're making me cry a little bit. Hahahahahaa! Oh, pull the other one why don't you, it's got bells on!

Comments

CuddleFish Oct. 7, 2009 @ 11:42 p.m.

I think we ought to get Reader admin to buy us BOTH signs for our Blog Bar!!

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antigeekess Oct. 7, 2009 @ 11:40 p.m.

And BTW, Pikey, there's some good s*** over at eBait, if you ever get bored. For example:

http://tinyurl.com/y8rjhpf

And if you don't like that one, there's this one:

http://tinyurl.com/ybjk26l

But best of Genre has to go to:

http://tinyurl.com/yd3mvrf

:)

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FullFlavorPike Oct. 8, 2009 @ 12:30 a.m.

AG - I thought only craigslist spammers used tinyurl ;) ?

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CuddleFish Oct. 8, 2009 @ 1:37 a.m.

BTW, Pike, I looked at your stats page, but couldn't tell from looking what your win/loss ratio was. Do you win more than you lose, or vice versa?

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FullFlavorPike Oct. 8, 2009 @ 1:42 a.m.

Of my 431 completed games on chess.com, I have 215 wins, 203 losses, 13 draws.

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SDaniels Oct. 8, 2009 @ 1:53 a.m.

re: tonight's Runner Up:

I can't believe you didn't bring up Bruce Nauman, one of my fave artists! All kinds of neon signs.

I just forwarded that ad to my cousin, who has an "OPEN" sign on the door to the bar off the pool (yeah, it's a cool place to hang out).

100% Feedback! That is toooo cool. I hope she buys it!

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SDaniels Oct. 8, 2009 @ 2:01 a.m.

This is fabulous. Thanks for the link, Pike:

"Recycling old furniture and fabrics is an important aspect of the look and was especially popular with modern Bohemians and artisans that made up a sidelined counter-culture movement during the 1980s when expensive quality decor became very fashionable with the upper middle classes."

I'm trying to place this in the 1980s. I think my mom settled on faux Victoriana in the 80s, and emasculated all kinds of figurines by putting bows around their necks. Cats, ducks, etc. It was not intentionally shabby chic, and let's just say that it was not chic. The only good thing that came out of this phase in her decorating was the Victorian moonlight garden--all flowers glowing white under the moon. :)

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SDaniels Oct. 8, 2009 @ 2:02 a.m.

I'll take a Blog Shot with a Comment chaser :)

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SDaniels Oct. 8, 2009 @ 2:11 a.m.

Oh, PS: When I was fourteen, I would have liked to have a neon beer sign--or any kind of neon sign. As hinted, I liked things that glow. So much that I stole a street--what do you call them--horse? Axe? The wooden things with flashing lights like bike lights. Anyway, I lugged this thing off the street where there was some construction packed up for the night, and put it in my closet. The problem is that I had (like all fourteen-year olds do) naturally removed my closet door to make the room look bigger. The light could not be turned off. It flashed so brightly, on/off/on/off/on/off that I had to pile like ten blankets on it just to muzzle the light. Early in the morning, I lugged it back to the construction site, happily before being arrested with city property.

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CuddleFish Oct. 8, 2009 @ 8:29 a.m.

OMG SD, LOLOLOLOLOLOL!

I bought this store clock once at an auction, it was a 7-Up sign with a clock mechanism, anyway, I hung it in the kitchen and when I turned it on, it threw off so much heat, I couldn't take it. Out it went!

Thanks for the link.

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Joe Poutous Oct. 8, 2009 @ 9:23 a.m.

wait - there is a blog bar?

why was I not informed of this?

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PistolPete Oct. 8, 2009 @ 9:31 a.m.

I'll take a shot of neurotic with a sympathy chaser ;-D

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PistolPete Oct. 8, 2009 @ 9:41 a.m.

" As hinted, I liked things that glow. So much that I stole a street--what do you call them--horse?"

Your thinking of a sawhorse my dear and I stole about 6 lights while growing up. I also had a small public works warehouse in my father's garage. My favorite sign was always the SLOW CHILDREN one. :-D

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sawhorse http://www.flickr.com/photos/cailisse75/408023651/in/pool-slowchildren

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