There's only like eight new things for sale in Normal Heights since I last posted. The rest is stuff I've already seen and passed over. Isn't Sunday the Universal Day of Yard Sales? Is it not written, somewhere, by some guy, that everybody has to sell their stuff on Sundays? Que pasa, San Diego? Make me work, tsk tsk. Runner-Up for the day gets the honorable mention for being both far too ugly and far too expensive for what it is. I can't even imagine a living room being cursed with that rug. It would become a pariah zone where nobody wants to be. Of course, it's well known that I have no taste, so take that how you will....

Anyhoo, having mentioned Yard Sales, I'm going to throw the prize money (in Royal Pike Dollars, which are legal tender anywhere I am King) to these cats1:

MOVING Sale on Sat and Sun - Oct10 and 11 (Normal Heights - 4445 38th Street)

It amazes me that it's necessary to put the "No Early Birds!" warning at the end of any Yard Sale ad. Do you know what this means? It means that, for a yard sale commencing at 6:30 in the morning, the yard salers2 have to fend off people who would arrive earlier than 6:30 on a Saturday morning. Who is awake before 6:30 on a Saturday morning? Nobody on the SD Reader Blogs, that's for sure.3 Who are these "Early Birds" trying to beat? The sun? Time itself? Perhaps if they come early enough, they can actually shop in the past and purchase all the fabulous deals before they even happen. Then, after buying some bargain Hummels (or whatever) they can actually sleep in on Saturday, because their temporally extravagant shopping habits let them cheat the 5th dimension.

"Early Birds" aside, I like the promise of "you name it, we're probably going to drag it out on our front lawn this coming weekend." Really? Do you promise?

How about a super sweet Camaro and the killer mullet to go with it? Done!

All my lost socks from laundry days of yore?4 Done!

US currency? Sure, why not, we're moving!

World peace? No room for world peace when you're "downsizing"--everything must go!

I once read a Kinky Friedman book--I don't remember which one--in which the sidekick character (name of Ratso) has an obsession with dead people's shoes. He gets them second-hand, and always in such a fashion that he can be sure the former tenant is deceased5. I am at least fairly doubtful that there will be an excess of dead people's stuff at this particular yard sale, though there is ultimately no telling. You all know the best and only way to find out.

  1. As in cool people, not kitties.

  2. I had thought about going with "yard sellers," but I don't want to give the expression that they're selling the yard. "The yard salient" sounds both correct and satisfying, but is clearly neither. "Yard salesmen" would probably work, but the effect is too...commercial for my tastes--also it sounds weirdly like some sort of blues rock band (a cause des Yardbirds, peut-etre?). Settling on the correct term is no small feat. I feel as though this problem is common when crafting neologisms.

  3. Because it seems like I receive the majority of blog comments between 3:00 and 5:00 in the morning.

  4. Three-hundred and forty-two (342) and counting...

  5. Really, there is no difference between this practice and "antiquing." Ratso is just more honest.

Comments

antigeekess Oct. 4, 2009 @ 11:54 p.m.

Oh my LORD! Footnotes? You're footnoting a blog?

LOL. Love it.

"Who is awake before 6:30 on a Saturday morning? Nobody on the SD Reader Blogs, that's for sure.3"

Guess again. This one's at work by 7:00.

Which is why I'm about done for the evening.

0

FullFlavorPike Oct. 4, 2009 @ 11:59 p.m.

I once footnoted an entire (very) short story--Borges, "On Exactitude in Science," actually--to prove a very small point of a very long paper. I like footnotes almost as much as I like italics. Maybe more. You'll prolly see lots of footnotes in the future, hope it doesn't cramp your reading style.

Shagged after a good squawk here myself after a serious Clopening last night/this morning. FYI, a "clopen" is when you close the restaurant and then have to come back six hours later to open that beast up. The Bane of my Existence.

0

Adam92102 Oct. 5, 2009 @ 12:13 a.m.

Yeah, the Clopen is no fun. However, neither is the Splift. That's the split shift. And by the way, I just made that up and trademarked it, thanks. As for the blog itself, thanks for the college flashbacks. I mean, don't get me wrong. I thoroughly enjoyed reading and laughing, even with the strange looks from my cat. Hard to fathom that someone would ask for 80 bucks for that thing. Then again, he might've sold that horrid thing in minutes. Maybe even thanks to you. Well done. But damn, all I want to know is how you do the small number thing. I don't know the "codes" for things. I just type the words, man.

0

FullFlavorPike Oct. 5, 2009 @ 12:16 a.m.

Google up some HTML tags. They're wicked simple. Even Orioles fans can use them.

(it's funny because I don't do sports and he knows it)

0

Adam92102 Oct. 5, 2009 @ 1:26 a.m.

Right on. Thanks. I feel like I should know this stuff by now but, well, I still don't own a cell phone.

0

David Dodd Oct. 5, 2009 @ 1:47 a.m.

Dude, I don't own a cell phone either (what's the point?). But don't worry, in twenty years, HTML will be obsolete! Don't learn any more than you need to get by, otherwise you're wasting brain-space that could be occupied with tastier stuff.

0

SDaniels Oct. 5, 2009 @ 1:53 a.m.

re: #2: "I once footnoted an entire (very) short story--Borges, "On Exactitude in Science," actually--to prove a very small point of a very long paper."

I wanna read that paper!

0

SDaniels Oct. 5, 2009 @ 2:32 a.m.

and where are my footnotes! Most unsatisfactory!

0

CuddleFish Oct. 5, 2009 @ 8:25 a.m.

Eighty dollars for a small, ugly 100% acrylic rug????

Lovin' the footnotes! Whose that writer that died last year, he used to do all those amazing magazine articles, the footnotes were longer than the articles? Gosh, name escapes me at the moment ... did that thing about the ethics of lobsters being boiled alive, ya'll know who I'm talking about.

Gringo, you don't own a cell phone? Lord, I'd be lost without mine!

Oh by the way, I would like to point out to people who are keeping score: I was the first on Adam's very first thread, to detect that Pike and Adam were colleagues. Those two are brains of a feather! :) Lovely to read both their blogs on here!!

0

FullFlavorPike Oct. 5, 2009 @ 8:28 a.m.

I learned all these HTML tags writing web pages in Notebook like ten years ago. You can do an entire page that way, but it takes forever and ever an ever and ever. Before Dreamweaver, everybody had to write HTML code in notebook--sort of a Golden Age of web hacking. I don't play with that stuff anymore, but it's good to know how to make your print .

SD, maybe we can set up a Footnoterphone system in the blogs, a la Jasper Fforde.

0

FullFlavorPike Oct. 5, 2009 @ 8:36 a.m.

That would be David Foster Wallace you're thinking of, Fish. I expect so, anyways, as his famous Infinite Jest is a four hundred page novel with six hundred pages of notes. His "Brief Interviews With Hideous Men" is being adapted to film as the directorial debut of John Krasinski (the guy from the office who is from Waltham, MA and thereby earns my respect) and it should be pretty cool because DFW was something of a genius.

0

PistolPete Oct. 5, 2009 @ 8:40 a.m.

I only visit CL for jobs. And"other"things.....

0

CuddleFish Oct. 5, 2009 @ 8:41 a.m.

Yes! Dang, his name escaped me, thanks Pike!

0

SDaniels Oct. 5, 2009 @ 8:49 a.m.

re: #12: I thought Infinite Jest could have lost a couple hundred pages--anything to do with the tennis academy! (Keeping the stuff with the drug rehab, of course). Wallace was a much better long short story writer.

"Brief Interviews With Hideous Men" is being adapted to film as the directorial debut of John Krasinski"

I wanted to write a screenplay for "Mr. Squishy," (in the Oblivion collection), and submit it to Charlie Kaufmann, title character to be played by Philip Seymour Hoffmann !!!!

0

SDaniels Oct. 5, 2009 @ 8:52 a.m.

"SD, maybe we can set up a Footnoterphone system in the blogs, a la Jasper Fforde."

Unsure of references. Please advise.

Please also be advised that it is unadvisable to hold footnotes captive. You may lose your head.

0

FullFlavorPike Oct. 5, 2009 @ 5:58 p.m.

Jasper Fforde's "Thursday Next" (which would be the name of the protagonist) books. Thursday spends a lot of time within the Book World (being within fiction itself) and she can bounce in and out of books. It's kind of weird, but interbook communication is accomplished via Footnoterphone and the characters have one sided dialogues in footnote format. It's sort of hard to explain. Good books worth reading, for sure, but I think the first is better than the second, which is better than the third, etc etc etc.

0

nan shartel Oct. 5, 2009 @ 6:32 p.m.

Pikester...watch those footnotes carfully...they have a tendency to sneak off the page after midnite and play craps in the alley

0

FullFlavorPike Oct. 6, 2009 @ 2:22 a.m.

It's the music these footnotes are listening to these days. Makes 'em do crazy things.

0

SDaniels Oct. 6, 2009 @ 2:45 a.m.

re: #15: Pikester, what did you think of my idea for writing the screenplay of "Mr. Squishy?" Have you read this story? I opine that it is DFW's best story, largely from the p.o.v. of an advertising firm focus group facilitator.

As I mentioned, he should be played by Philip Seymour Hoffmann... I know only one person who writes for television--no one for film. Gringo, do you? It would be a great collaborative project.

0

FullFlavorPike Oct. 6, 2009 @ 11:58 a.m.

I have not read that story. I flogged my way through Brief Interviews but got sort of burnt out on the unreadable bits. The guy was obviously a genius and some of his writing is absolutely phenomenal. There's a few stories in Brief Interviews that can't be beat. A lot of the time, however, I get the sneaking suspicion that DFW is just being smart and trying to impress us with his impenetrable prose. Don't judge me too harshly for this.

0

Sign in to comment

Join our
newsletter list

Enter to win $25 at Broken Yolk Cafe

Each newsletter subscription
means another chance to win!

Close