Laura Dvorak 5:47 p.m., Dec. 6
There's only like eight new things for sale in Normal Heights since I last posted. The rest is stuff I've already seen and passed over. Isn't Sunday the Universal Day of Yard Sales? Is it not written, somewhere, by some guy, that everybody has to sell their stuff on Sundays? Que pasa, San Diego? Make me work, tsk tsk. Runner-Up for the day gets the honorable mention for being both far too ugly and far too expensive for what it is. I can't even imagine a living room being cursed with that rug. It would become a pariah zone where nobody wants to be. Of course, it's well known that I have no taste, so take that how you will....
Anyhoo, having mentioned Yard Sales, I'm going to throw the prize money (in Royal Pike Dollars, which are legal tender anywhere I am King) to these cats1:
It amazes me that it's necessary to put the "No Early Birds!" warning at the end of any Yard Sale ad. Do you know what this means? It means that, for a yard sale commencing at 6:30 in the morning, the yard salers2 have to fend off people who would arrive earlier than 6:30 on a Saturday morning. Who is awake before 6:30 on a Saturday morning? Nobody on the SD Reader Blogs, that's for sure.3 Who are these "Early Birds" trying to beat? The sun? Time itself? Perhaps if they come early enough, they can actually shop in the past and purchase all the fabulous deals before they even happen. Then, after buying some bargain Hummels (or whatever) they can actually sleep in on Saturday, because their temporally extravagant shopping habits let them cheat the 5th dimension.
"Early Birds" aside, I like the promise of "you name it, we're probably going to drag it out on our front lawn this coming weekend." Really? Do you promise?
How about a super sweet Camaro and the killer mullet to go with it? Done!
All my lost socks from laundry days of yore?4 Done!
US currency? Sure, why not, we're moving!
World peace? No room for world peace when you're "downsizing"--everything must go!
I once read a Kinky Friedman book--I don't remember which one--in which the sidekick character (name of Ratso) has an obsession with dead people's shoes. He gets them second-hand, and always in such a fashion that he can be sure the former tenant is deceased5. I am at least fairly doubtful that there will be an excess of dead people's stuff at this particular yard sale, though there is ultimately no telling. You all know the best and only way to find out.
As in cool people, not kitties.
I had thought about going with "yard sellers," but I don't want to give the expression that they're selling the yard. "The yard salient" sounds both correct and satisfying, but is clearly neither. "Yard salesmen" would probably work, but the effect is too...commercial for my tastes--also it sounds weirdly like some sort of blues rock band (a cause des Yardbirds, peut-etre?). Settling on the correct term is no small feat. I feel as though this problem is common when crafting neologisms.
Because it seems like I receive the majority of blog comments between 3:00 and 5:00 in the morning.
Three-hundred and forty-two (342) and counting...
Really, there is no difference between this practice and "antiquing." Ratso is just more honest.