A brief, material world reflection: Twigg's on Adams gets bonus points for serving a macaroni salad as the side dish to their sandwich. It's not as good as L&L mac salad, but it's much more interesting than chips or nothing.

I present today's Runner-Up, which is also something of a Barnacle, with great pleasure:

Vintage Picture of a young boy with his dog - $20 (Normal Heights)

Creepy? I think so, as if somewhere, in a closet, there is a real boy aging... Maybe some day, Alan Moore will put this in a comic book, of which someone will then make a ruinous film adaptation.

Now, so as not to keep the eager public waiting, a daily Best-Of ad:

Brand New Casablanca Wedding Dress - $650 (Normal Heights)

Oh, snap! Called the wedding off and stuck with the dress. Sort of a shame that this is probably a really good deal on a wedding dress but it's very unlikely to sell because, practically speaking, how many brides out there are really that eager to attire themselves in some other woman's dreams? Plus, as far as I can tell, the soon to be married can rival sailors in their superstitions. Wouldn't be wearing the dress from a failed wedding be sort of like naming a boat the Albatross?

Putting my personal preferences (i.e. marriage is foolish, buck heteronormativity, etc.) aside, I find it amazing that six-hundred-and-fifty (650) dollars is what counts as a great deal on a wedding dress! Totally and completely absurd. An unjustifiable expense. The (alleged) retail price of $1000 is even more ludicrous. In what other conceivable instance would it be even remotely acceptable for someone to pay that much money for something that will be used once and then hung in a closet forever? For $1000 I could buy a bike that will last me twenty (20) years, or, if it has to be spent on clothing, a suit that will last me until I get fat. I'd probably be able to do so, point of fact, and still have cash left over to take two friends out for drinks.

I just can't conceive a more staggering waste of money, and it's not for lack of effort or imagination, being overburdened with both as I am.

Flabbergasted as I am by the cost of just a dress, I wonder what happens if I google "average wedding cost." Why, I'll be someone out there has a website for that.

Oh, look at that, there it is....

[collects jaw from ground]

Twenty...Thousand...Dollars?! I can't even fathom having twenty-thousand dollars to burn through in a single day. I'm even willing to bet that no one in his or her right mind (no one of moderate means, anyways) would blow that kind of cash on anything else. Imagine spending twenty G's on a Fourth of July party. That's within the province of whole cities and towns, not individuals. It's a totally unreasonable level of expenditure for what amounts to a party after all the champagne is poured and the embarrassing photos are up on Facebook.

And since when does a good party cost so much money to throw? I'm pretty sure I can throw a totally rad party for, like, two c-notes. Just find a friend with a band that's willing to play for free, deep-fry a couple of turkeys, buy some liquor, and make half a dozen phone calls. Boom. Instant party. If people want to show up in formal wear, more power to them.

This is the part where all the happily married people out there are getting mad at me for demeaning their adherence to a social institution.

Stop! Check your rage! I don't want to prove to you that "weddings are stupid." There's honestly no point in debating something which comes down to personal preference. I might as well try and convince someone who loves ribs that eating BBQ is for chumps. Hardly my aim, I'm not stupid, after all. But I do think that the weddings are needlessly expensive because, in the long run, a)can you really not throw a decent party for less than twenty-grand? b)would you really not rather buy a house with that money? and c)where's the logical connect between spending beyond your means and living "happily ever after?" This kind of fiscal irrationality would be the subject of absolute derision in any other circumstances, but as soon as wedding bells start to peal, absurd behavior becomes suddenly justified and even expected. Take the old adage, "you should spend two months salary on an engagement ring." Two months, to whole months pay? I wonder, how is the rent getting paid during this two months of frivolous spending? What is being eaten during this time? And the worst part of it is that you "should" make these irresponsible types of commitments to buy things you can't afford. Don't want to? Doesn't matter, you really should. At least we have deBeers to educate us on proper social ethics.

I'll try to end this on a lighter note by elaborating a hilarious practical joke which my friend and I devised the other night. It goes a little something like this:

Guys, get a jewelry box, the kind of thing that people keep engagement rings in, and fill it with breathmints. Take a girl out to dinner and, after you've eaten, take the box out and hold it suspiciously in front of you. Say something along the lines of, "well, now that we've eaten..." Pause for dramatic effect. "Would you like a mint?" Then open the box and watch offer up a little mentholated candy. Should be hilarious. Delivery will be key to this one, but I'm willing to wager one could pull it off with the right sense of timing and savior fair.

Now that I think of it, this might actually be even funnier if it was the lady who offered the mint. Somebody try it, tell me how it works.

More like this:

Comments

CuddleFish Nov. 13, 2009 @ 5:18 p.m.

Oh and by the way, I love Twiggs, used to have my poetry writing group meetings there. :)

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CuddleFish Nov. 13, 2009 @ 6:23 p.m.

Total cop-out!!!!

Pike is one of them guys .....

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SDaniels Nov. 13, 2009 @ 7:05 p.m.

Total copout? Did you see the dress? ;)

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CuddleFish Nov. 14, 2009 @ 9:21 p.m.

I want to get married by Elvis in Vegas!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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CuddleFish Nov. 13, 2009 @ 7:12 p.m.

LOL Daniels, was referring to AG's comments!

Mind is still black with hatred toward all men .............

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FullFlavorPike Nov. 14, 2009 @ 12:40 a.m.

This is Ninja Jesus we're talking about here---don't forget that!

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CuddleFish Nov. 14, 2009 @ 12:30 p.m.

Ooh! Ooh! Can I be in the wedding party???

Puh-leeeze???

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CuddleFish Nov. 13, 2009 @ 11:47 p.m.

(Did he not get the memo about me and Clay Aiken?) ;)

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MsGrant Nov. 14, 2009 @ 5:17 p.m.

The Susie Q's are the first layer under the cupcakes.

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antigeekess Nov. 14, 2009 @ 8:18 p.m.

I'm confused. What woman with what baby?

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CuddleFish Nov. 13, 2009 @ 4:21 p.m.

Not funny at all. In fact, downright cruel. Women take that stuff to heart, you do that to one of us, you better learn to sleep with one eye open.

And by the way, I guess you really haven't met the girl worth a 20K wedding yet. When you do ...

Start saving up for the ring, Pike. :)

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FullFlavorPike Nov. 13, 2009 @ 4:31 p.m.

Diamond industry responsible for unspeakable cruelty and environmental atrocities.

Purchase of ring unconscionable.

Homer Simpson Onion Ring technique = preferable alternative.

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CuddleFish Nov. 13, 2009 @ 5:03 p.m.

Ooooh, Daniels, and better snatch up that dress, it is a steal at that price! I once saw a Vera Wang, to die for!!!!! I have the Barbie Doll Vera Wang Wedding Dress, though!!!

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antigeekess Nov. 13, 2009 @ 5:52 p.m.

$1000 for a bike? And yeah, I know they can cost many times MORE than that -- but it's still too much. I bought one last year for $50.

"Diamond industry..." (blah, blah, blah)

What's that I smell?
Could it be a GINORMOUS COP OUT?!?!? ;)

"Guys, get a jewelry box..."

I know you're kidding, here. You HAVE to be kidding. Please TELL me you're kidding.

Otherwise, I strongly suggest a helmet and a cup.

:)

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SDaniels Nov. 13, 2009 @ 6:09 p.m.

re:#3: Ok, I guess I'm enough in love to forget about the canary. How about a super spy decoder “ring” instead?

http://javascript.internet.com/games/decoder-ring.html

And a picture of a simple Marchesa gown will do…

http://www.celebritybrideguide.com/kate-hudson-models-marchesa-wedding-dress/

See how cool and inexpensive Internet weddings can be, darling? We don’t have to feed our guests with a cake—all we really need is the topper:

http://family.webshots.com/photo/2078866040100162340SyRHhi

Now, we just have to wait until everyone is allowed to. ;)

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SDaniels Nov. 13, 2009 @ 7:15 p.m.

Oh good, then you like my wedding plan? I think this could become a lucrative biz!

Whoa, watch your palette there, CF. Don't want to attract the palette patrol ;)

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CuddleFish Nov. 13, 2009 @ 7:15 p.m.

Oooooh it just occurred to me .... hehehehehehehehe :)

Someday, God Forbid, Pike may have a daughter.

Then when some moron idiot says, Your kid ain't worth a 20K wedding, I want to hear him say, You're right.

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SDaniels Nov. 13, 2009 @ 7:27 p.m.

By the time Pike has a daughter of marriageable age, 20k will probably be worth more like 2k. At any rate, he'll agree with the moron, won't he, seeing as how the parents of the bride will likely still pay for the wedding? ;)

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Adam92102 Nov. 13, 2009 @ 10:27 p.m.

Ok, ladies. Put the claws away. Poor Pike was just stating his feelings towards marriage. Well, except for the joke he and his friend devised, which I must admit even I find slightly cruel.

But then again, I'm the kind of guy who actually finds marriage to be quite a good concept. See, it's not marriage that sucks and falls apart... it's the people involved. Plus, it's a great way to get gifts and money... ha. As for the commercial aspect of marriage, well, again, that's the people involved. My marriage was simple, at her father's house in his backyard that we prepared ourselves, they had a family friend that played the bagpipes as we both walked in and out, and the photographer was a family friend. It was a fantastic Iowa day with a small group of friends, family, and the judge. After the ceremony we went to a botanical center (which was a glass dome and had streams w/ fishies and birds flying from tree to tree inside the dome) and it was a larger gathering there (again, even the DJ was a family friend). The bride even went so far as to make her own dress, which was actually pretty nice. Personally, I have always found spending all that money on a dress worn maybe once to be a bit much but at the same time, who am I to get in the way of a woman's happiness?

So there are ways that marriage can be a good thing but really, it's a matter of opinion, just as you said, Pike.

AG, Fish, SDaniels, I know Pike sounds like the typical male. Just don't hurt him. He means well.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go finish up my mail-order bride order. Being single really freakin' sucks sometimes and if buying some woman who doesn't speak a word of English and just wants to "fluff my pillow" is what it takes, well dammit, sign me up. In fact, I'll take two please!

Yes, I have way too much time on my hands.

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SDaniels Nov. 13, 2009 @ 10:29 p.m.

"AG, Fish, SDaniels, I know Pike sounds like the typical male. Just don't hurt him. He means well."

Huh? Claws? Nicely earnest, Adam, but totally misread--on my part, at least :)

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SDaniels Nov. 13, 2009 @ 10:32 p.m.

Oh hey, Adam--Russian, is it? You may get exactly FOUR years of dubious bliss out of the deal, or so I hear ;)

0

CuddleFish Nov. 13, 2009 @ 10:41 p.m.

Ok, ladies. Put the claws away.

WTF???????????????????

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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Adam92102 Nov. 13, 2009 @ 10:45 p.m.

Just trying to be funny with the claws comment, really. Sorry if I made you "grrrrr."

SD, I think Asians might be a bit more submissive. Russians are pretty head-strong individuals, even if it's because of the vodka.

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SDaniels Nov. 13, 2009 @ 10:53 p.m.

Actually, we get enough 'claws' comments from all the Aww-chie Bunkahs on this site, Adam, so you may have caught us off guard. Fortunately, however, claws spring forth from their sheaths just as handily as they retract. Mrauhhhhh! ;)

PS: Sounds like you've got your wimmin folk alllll figgered out. Now: Git-R-Done (TM) :)

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Adam92102 Nov. 13, 2009 @ 10:59 p.m.

Valid point. Didn't mean to sound like "those were the days" or anything. My apologies. I guess my humor these days has been seriously lacking due to the lack of humor in life lately. Yes, it really is that vicious of a circle. Anyway.

Please, continue with the thread. Great post, as always.

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CuddleFish Nov. 13, 2009 @ 11:19 p.m.

Awwwwwwwwww Adam :(

Dang, if I was younger I'd keep you company at the local Motel 6! :P

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Adam92102 Nov. 13, 2009 @ 11:27 p.m.

Damn! Foiled once again by the Mid-Life. Man, I'm at the age where women are either too young or too old, aren't I? This sucks....

And no, Fish, I'm not implying you're old. I have no idea how old you are (and don't worry, I have enough respect not to ask). But if you change your mind about the Motel Sex, I'm all fingers- uh, I mean ears. Yeah, ears. That's what I meant to say.

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Adam92102 Nov. 13, 2009 @ 11:57 p.m.

Clay Aiken? You mean the guy with 400 different haircuts?

To quote a song, I've got muscles he doesn't even use.

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CuddleFish Nov. 14, 2009 @ 12:52 a.m.

Oh there you are, Pike! Thought you was hiding somewhere!

I believe you have a date with Daniels at the Internet altar!!

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PistolPete Nov. 14, 2009 @ 12:56 a.m.

FFP and SD sittin' in a tree... K-I-S-S-I-N-G... First comes love... Then comes marriage... Then comes PistolPete in the baby carriage...

Congratulations! :-D

I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the webcam.

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SDaniels Nov. 14, 2009 @ 11:13 a.m.

re: #25 through #28:

Cuddle, you are a fool. Adam is not only bright, witty, loves cats, and peace and love on earth--he is CUTER than Clay Aiken AND his 400 haircuts. Fool, I say.

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SDaniels Nov. 14, 2009 @ 11:20 a.m.

re: #32:

Pete, I don't believe you were even on the E-Vite (TM) list, much less the gawdfather and namesake of our future cyber-child! --And you certainly won't officiate--that's the job for this guy:

http://www.vivalasvegasweddings.com/elvis_in_concert.htm

So, Pikey, I'm going to send my ma---nservant by, and under the guise of a pizza order, he'll be slipping you some invitation designs to approve. I personally like the ones with Elvis singing to the cartoon swans.

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CuddleFish Nov. 14, 2009 @ 5:40 p.m.

I used to love Susie Q's!!! :) All that stuff on those platters were things I loved to gobble!!!

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MsGrant Nov. 14, 2009 @ 6:03 p.m.

I was more of a Drake's Cakes fan myself. But Susie Q's were the altar to worship Hostess's fake cream filling. Oh, God, that stuff was so sweet it would make us gag. In a good way, of course.

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SDaniels Nov. 14, 2009 @ 6:15 p.m.

Just what I like to see--communal effort! Let's throw a weddin' y'all! Then let's raise a barn! ;)

re: #36 and 37 bridalwear suggestions:

I'll wear the flipflops with the Marchesa dress. Because I want my ladies to look hot in pink:

AG as maid of honor will wear:

http://www.uglydress.com/anotherred.html

CuddleFish, and--should she accept the mission)--MsGrant can wear these fuschia beauties:

http://www.uglydress.com/fusciatwins.html

AG, we'll have to order more of those flip flops for all!

Suzy Q was my nickname growing up, so that cake arrangement would work very well. We'll just affix the "fishing couple" topper to the top of the cake plate.

I love it when a plan comes together!

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CuddleFish Nov. 14, 2009 @ 6:18 p.m.

I was more of a Drake's Cakes fan myself. But Susie Q's were the altar to worship Hostess's fake cream filling. Oh, God, that stuff was so sweet it would make us gag. In a good way, of course.

By MsGrant 6:03 p.m., Nov 14, 2009

Now, there's a lot I could say here ................ ;)

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CuddleFish Nov. 14, 2009 @ 6:22 p.m.

Unfortunately, there's not a lot to select in the men's department, however, this will do, I think, Ms. Daniels, see what you think:

http://www.uglydress.com/colsanjun.html

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SDaniels Nov. 14, 2009 @ 6:25 p.m.

That "Disco Whistler" is sweet. We'll reserve it for Pete as one of the groomsmen.

But this is Pike right here!

http://www.uglydress.com/duddoyoulikm.html

0

MsGrant Nov. 14, 2009 @ 6:26 p.m.

I almost peed myself when I looked at those flip-flops!! I would be honored to wear the fushia nightmare as an attendant to your nuptials to ? Wait, who are marrying?!?

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CuddleFish Nov. 14, 2009 @ 6:28 p.m.

She's marrying Mr. Yah Dude himself, FullFlavorPike!!!!

Daniels, I have to say, the Marchesa is a leeeettle understated. I'm thinking this number: http://uglyweddingdress.files.wordpress.com/2006/10/st-pucchi-001.PNG

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SDaniels Nov. 14, 2009 @ 6:29 p.m.

That's a real pal, Ms G ;)

Well, I think I'm cyber-marrying FullFlavorPike, but he seems to have been frightened off. Anyway, as they say--the show must go on...

0

SDaniels Nov. 14, 2009 @ 6:32 p.m.

re: #48: I SAW that, Cuddle! The thing is, I actually liked that one ;)

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CuddleFish Nov. 14, 2009 @ 6:36 p.m.

I almost peed myself when I looked at those flip-flops!!

By MsGrant 6:26 p.m., Nov 14, 2009

I've been ROFLMFAO since the flip flops!!!!!!

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MsGrant Nov. 14, 2009 @ 6:38 p.m.

I liked that dress too. It looks like some thought went into it. Wait, the groom is bailing?!?! Come out, you coward! There is a tux with ill-fitting trousers that has your name all over it!

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CuddleFish Nov. 14, 2009 @ 6:45 p.m.

He's probably on craigslist looking for the perfect wedding gift!

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SDaniels Nov. 14, 2009 @ 6:50 p.m.

I prefer to think the latter (#54). But to be fair, I just started planning this before he even asked--wait, does a guy have to ask first? I get so confused about this stuff. ;)

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MsGrant Nov. 14, 2009 @ 6:57 p.m.

Of course not!! If we did not pressure them in the first place we would never get there, so I declare your wedding Sadie Hawkins New Style to Git Hitched!! Circle the wagons and rope him on in. Is that really his picture? Kinda looks like Paul Stanley of Kiss circa 1975, sans makeup. Where's Magicsfive when you need her?

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SDaniels Nov. 14, 2009 @ 7:11 p.m.

You read my mind. I was going to propose magicsfive be in the wedding party and wear this:

http://www.uglydress.com/superpoofy.html

Maybe Pikey will show up if I wear this:

http://www.uglydress.com/mtvskank.html

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MsGrant Nov. 14, 2009 @ 7:18 p.m.

Awesome!! That "dress" is skanktastic. Come out, come out, wherever you are...

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SDaniels Nov. 14, 2009 @ 7:24 p.m.

Actually, he might be frightened off by that one. How about this:

http://www.uglydress.com/idkiforherbo.html

I think I'm getting addicted to this "ugly dress" site. Definitely going to pass it along--thanks Fishykins! :)

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SDaniels Nov. 14, 2009 @ 7:31 p.m.

Agggghhh. I am speechless.

You--and those gold lame dresses--have made my night.

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MsGrant Nov. 14, 2009 @ 7:34 p.m.

Oh my God!! That nipple dress takes the ugly cake! If you look at it, it was actually made to fit someone with small breasts. Wanna guess what hubby bought her for a wedding gift??!! Hubba, hubba!!!

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SDaniels Nov. 14, 2009 @ 7:35 p.m.

re: #61: Is it real? Seriously? Real? Cannot.

re:#63: After all we've been through, you want a box of pastels!? C'mon! Bring on the disco!

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SDaniels Nov. 14, 2009 @ 7:39 p.m.

Jubby-to-be is an obstetrician? We wanted to show off the Caesarean section?

http://tackyweddings.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/465151335_0adb89c622.jpg

What was that you said about Barbie doll dresses, Cuddle? I think for some reason, this one scares me the MOST:

http://tackyweddings.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/jordan_aka_katie_price_wedding_dress11.jpg

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CuddleFish Nov. 14, 2009 @ 7:51 p.m.

Ooooh I want the pink number, Daniels! I always wanted to look like a Barbie Doll on my wedding day! Gotta get the flipflops early so I can die them that special Pepto Pink!

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SDaniels Nov. 14, 2009 @ 7:51 p.m.

That IS chic. Nothing says "commitment" like holding a baby instead of flowers!

However, this wedding is OFF. Pike has been two-timing us:

http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/

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antigeekess Nov. 14, 2009 @ 7:54 p.m.

Good Lord. Somebody fetch a bucket.

Grant queried: "Is that really his picture? Kinda looks like Paul Stanley of Kiss circa 1975, sans makeup. Where's Magicsfive when you need her?"

I don't know where magics is, but I do know who the pic is of.


:)

Poor Pike. He's lucky it's only 5 road hours to Vegas. Should be plenty of air in the trunk for that short a trip.

0

CuddleFish Nov. 14, 2009 @ 7:59 p.m.

Poor Pike. He's lucky it's only 5 road hours to Vegas. Should be plenty of air in the trunk for that short a trip.

By antigeekess 7:54 p.m., Nov 14, 2009

AG!!!!!!!!!!

ROFLMFAOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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MsGrant Nov. 14, 2009 @ 8:01 p.m.

Okay, that was from a Prince video or something, right!?!? I am still in awe of the gals that think walking down the isle of their house of worship in a wedding titty top like they are Queen for a Day and the benevolent minister looking upon his soon to be wed hungover groom and his pregnant mistress from hell as soon to be contributing to the flock, and being completely clueless to their godawfulness. Thank God for them, or we would not have this craptacular website!! I am hooked as well.

0

MsGrant Nov. 14, 2009 @ 8:08 p.m.

Okay I am waaaay behind you. Not the T-Rex vid, anti, the picture of the woman with the baby. Got the vid. Dead ringer or really him?

0

antigeekess Nov. 14, 2009 @ 8:28 p.m.

Re #76:

Now THAT is some major skankery, going on right there! The THONG on the motorcycle?

Holy cats. It really is the fall of Rome and Armageddon, meeting up in the middle of a black hole in time.

0

antigeekess Nov. 14, 2009 @ 8:34 p.m.

Okay, I see her now. I don't think Daniels is knocked up, so we don't have to worry about THAT happening.

As for the mystery man: http://www.bobgruen.com/files/marcbolan.html

Pike, like most of the other bloggers here (including the Divine Ms. G) has yet to grace us with a pic of his fabulous self. Mine was up, but I changed it to my kitty last week. :)

So many choices to make for a wedding, aren't there? So much planning! I'm exhausted already, and we still haven't picked a Dollar Store location for the reception!

0

MsGrant Nov. 14, 2009 @ 8:48 p.m.

Dollar store?! Girl, you are getting all upitty! I do believe that crashing the site of an already planned event but hangin' on the fringe is the new way to celebrate good times, come on...

0

antigeekess Nov. 14, 2009 @ 9:07 p.m.

Heehee. Did you see the Dollar Store wedding on the tacky weddings link? I really wasn't sure what was going on there -- if they had the wedding in the store, the reception, or WTF was going on.

Of course, there's always WalMart.

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?cat=5&paged=44

(Pete's favorite site. Damn it for not having a search function.)

0

MsGrant Nov. 14, 2009 @ 8:24 p.m.

S*** I cut off part of the address - here it is

http://tackyweddings.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/uglydress_1989_43177095.gif

I hope this works, otherwise post 67.

0

MsGrant Nov. 14, 2009 @ 9:17 p.m.

I've seen this before. Not so sure I want to visit again. To much crappin' an' pissin' in our pants before an age preferable. But the dolla'store?!?!? Now thats be class!!

0

SDaniels Nov. 14, 2009 @ 9:47 p.m.

AG, MsG was asking if THIS was Pike, and it could be:

http://www.uglydress.com/duddoyoulikm.html

YahDude! (currently under trademark negotiations)

These nuptial plans have taken on a life of their own. Did no one see my devastating revelation in post #69? I'm callin' off the wedding because FullSaborPike is two-timing us on this site! It took planning my ugly wedding dress to discover...

http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/

Or am I the only one who had not known! Sob. Always the last to find out...

0

antigeekess Nov. 14, 2009 @ 10:18 p.m.

Oooooh. No, I missed post #69. That certainly 'does' look like it could be our very own Pike's bloggery, doesn't it?

Looks like fun. :)

0

FullFlavorPike Nov. 14, 2009 @ 10:59 p.m.

That blog isn't me. I could never design a page that suave!

This is what happens when I go out of town for Awesome Saturday. Wowzer.

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SDaniels Nov. 15, 2009 @ 1 a.m.

re: 87 and 88:

Oh, I'm happy again. It has a clock in it!

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CuddleFish Nov. 15, 2009 @ 8:09 a.m.

Why shoor! Nothing but the best for my little Daniels!

sniff sniff

They grow up so fast ...

0

SDaniels Nov. 15, 2009 @ 10:35 p.m.

Don't worry, mumsy. I won't get married--would rather stay home and play with my new clock painting, if you don't mind. And could you get my footies, and heat up a pop tart and a glass of milk? It's good to be home! ;)

0

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