Garrett Harris 4 p.m., Jan. 20
- Community Blog
- Normal Heights Through the Blue and White
Alkalinity And Color Theory
When you just don't have time to hang out on the shoeblog, you can stop by my blog for an update on The Most KickA$$ Pair Of Used Shoes In San Diego. They are here. With these shoes, you are never more than a mask and rapier away from literally being Zorro. Would that my feets were not so very large!
Continuing with more Fashion Advice from Pike, a Runner-Up:
If I may outright pilfer a motif from a favorite website...
Wear This Shirt: Before jumping into molten metal and giving a big thumbs up as if to say, "worry not, my brave sacrifice is not in vain."
Don't Wear This Shirt: To your job at Skynet (it violates dress code, obvi).
This Shirt Tells The World: I have been sent back in time to kill you. Or to protect you. Either way, things are going to explode.
And, of course, there's Yet More Fashion Advice from Pike in terms of today's Grand Prix (that's French for "Pontiac Sedan"):
If ever you have asked yourself, "what's the single classiest thing with which I could ever adorn my body?" Well, rest assured, that thing has arrived. The Angel Belt Buckle--raw classiness, crystallized into rare plastic-diamond form and typographically arranged for maximum impact.
"But, I'm pretty sure they sell those in the vending machine at the taqueria down the street from me" you say? Well, if you can't tell the difference between the Angel Belt Buckle and just any old plastic bling, then there's little hope.
"Couldn't I just buy a new Angel Belt Buckle, or something even more risque?" Yes, you could do that, but it why bother when you could have a 'new condition' model? Plus, anyone can buy a new buckle.
"Won't it make me look, well, cheesy?" What? Does Donald Trump's hair make him look cheesy? Did ODB's grill make him look cheesy? What about Paris Hilton's tiny dog or Bono's taste in eyewear? Cheesiness is in the eye of the beholder.
"Alright, will you take $25 for it?" Twenty-five (25)? Twenty...Five! Are you mad? The one of a kind Angel Belt Buckle is a bargain at thirty (30) dollars US! Why, you should consider yourself lucky you're getting the chance to buy it for a double-digit sum--in some economies, this would count as price gouging!
"Actually, I don't think that's how price gouging works at all..." What? Since when were you an economist?
"I do have this Ph.D. from Brown, if that means anything to you." Ph.D.? Brown? What are you going on about now? Alkalinity and color theory? What does that have to do with economics?
"No, you don't understand, I have a doctoral degree and..." Oh? Now you're a doctor, are you? You want to check my temperature, doctor? Test my reflexes? Make me turn my head and cough? Is that it, doctor?
"Forget it. Keep your Angel Belt Buckle and your fallacious understanding of price gouging to yourself!" Oooh, look at this, Mr. Doctor's Doctor Pants are too High and Mighty to be held up by the Angel Belt Buckle, whatever shall he do now?
"I'll probably leave, if you don't mind." I don't mind, and I'll be glad to see the back of you! Good day, sir!