Ian Anderson 4 p.m., Dec. 21
Sneakers, Mullets, and Tom Selleck Moustaches
The Close-But-No-Cigar Award goes out to:
Considering my proven lack of knowledge when it comes to collectibles, I am unqualified to say whether or not $80 is a far price for three Barbie dolls. My gut says, "nope," but what do I know. Buyer beware, Inca Princess Barbie comes with a terrrrrrrrrrible curse!
Deplorably nerdy references aside, here's today's Big Winner:
Yup, there you have it, folks, the "Best Deal" on craigslist. Durst I continue plumbing the craigslist wells after this craigspocalyptically significant turning point in the history of deals? Will "deals" as such ever be the same now that the "Best Deal" has come? I fear classified ads may become like movie-making after Citizen Kane, rock and roll after Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, TV after The Sopranos, cycling post-Eddy, rapid breakfasts in the wake of Pop-Tarts, even!
Is this the "Best Deal" by virtue of uniqueness, I wonder? It's claimed to be "New/Never Used" (still trying to discern the difference between the two terms...) Judging by the design of the boxes and the, shall we say, "blockiness" of the recorder itself, I'd give the "Best Deal" a date of manufacture some time in the late 1980's. Rigorous googling proves useless in verifying this estimation through comparison to an extant Dictaphone with its place clearly marked in the timeline. What's the point in having an internet if not to search for "1980's Dictaphone recorder" and find exactly what you want? Lack of proof aside, if the "Best Deal" is a NOS (New Old Stock) Dictaphone microcassette recorder, than it is surely something of an exclusive item.
The other, perhaps more interesting explanation for the archaic styling of the “Best Deal” is that it is of fairly recent manufacture and designed to look like a prop from the set of Wall Street. If such is the case, the reasoning behind such a curiously anachronistic appearance is questionable. It's well known that cool people love things that look like they were time-grabbed from previous decades, retro appeal is an almost universal trait of cool kids; witness the prevalence of Hi-Top sneakers, mullets, and Tom Selleck moustaches at every Normal Heights coffee shop, nightclub, thrift store, and tattoo parlor. The professional world of lawyering, stock broke-ing, politician-ing, and other -ings where recording phone calls and notes-to-self is of the utmost importance has little use for flair and retro chic. If the “Best Deal” is new, why so old-seeming?
In a wonderful, alternate reality, the “Best Deal is not new, but (gently) used. In this other world, tied to ours only by the universal greatness of the “Best Deal,” there remain snatches of recordings on the microcassette locked within the “Best Deal.” Like a little time capsule, the “Best Deal's” spinning heads release a fragmentary dialogue from days gone by:
“Dude, have you heard the new Whitesnake album? Those guys are going to be immortal....”
“I can't believe gas is up over a dollar a gallon....”
“So, I just read this book, The Satanic Verses and I think it's going to be the next big hit in the Middle East....”
“Do you think these new “cell phones” are going to catch on?”
“I'm really loving New Coke. What I wouldn't give for a clear glass of Pepsi....”