WooHoo! First NHTBW post of November! Such thrills, chills, and craigslisting skills as the eleventh month of the Julian calendar has never before seen. For the benefit of, let's just call him "Mister K," I present the first of the Runners-Up:

Ice Cream Cone/ Cup Cake Cookie Jar - $35 (San Diego)

The Story So Far: Mister K has been selling this cookie jar since before I started blogging. That is weeks of listing and re-listing the same item. If none of you, Dear Readers (if I may wax 18th-century), will buy it and get it off of my website, at least contribute to answering the question of whether it is an ice cream cone or a cupcake. If sufficient input generates, I will send Mister K a link to our consensus, thereby answering his query and hopefully helping him decide on a more specific listing title which may or may not contribute to the eventual sale of this barnacle.1

I wanted to start the month of with...

SAN DIEGO CHARGER - MILLER LITE...HUGE NEON LIGHT (REDUCED PRICE!) - $325 (SANTEE)

...but 'twern't in my 'hood! It's huuuuuuuuuuge, though. Sheesh.

And it was, of course, remarkably tempting to write about...

Chaise lounge sectional with 2 pillows durable microfiber (Normal Heights)

...and vent my frustration at businesses using my beloved personal ads for advertising purposes. Would that I could but make the word "advertising" appear in a more sinister font!

But, in the end, it's going to be...

...The One & Only 11/1/09 Best Of Normal Heights Craigslist Post:

Brand New White Urinal Toilet - $45 (Normal Heights)

Glad to see it's never been used. The ad claims that it's a "great deal" at $45. Easily discoverable references seem to prove the poster isn't bluffing. Obviously, this ad is aimed at small businesses, but it really begs the question, "how sweet would it be to have a urinal in your house?

Yes, I know that none of you ladies can use it, not would you want to, which is why I am hardly proposing having only a urinal in one's home. The Urinal Scheme involves having a urinal installed as an addition to the mundane, conventional toilet. The truly discerning gentleman should have both fixtures in his WC for a number of reasons.

Reason the First
Urinals consumer approximately 30% of the water per flush that conventional toilets require. As environmentalism (or something which passes for such) is highly fashionable in 2009, the urbane consumer always tinkles Green!

Reason the Two-st
Conventional toilets make a practice of concealing their waterworks. Urinals, on the other hand, feature magnificent chrome pipes and finely burnished pull-handles. The superior aesthetics of this design are obvious to the student of lavatory culture.

Reason the Two-st, part A
(Bonus Advantage) As cars no longer contain chromed parts, and since not everyone can afford a Harley, a properly appointed urinal may be the next best thing to a classic car in terms of glorious, mid-century American design.

Reason the Three-th
Presenting guests with the opportunity to pee standing up is perhaps the ultimate gesture of good hospitality.

A more long-winded advantage to having a home urinal is that the home urinal necessitates the home urinal cake. Is there any sanitary device subject to more pop cultural jests? I think not.

Consider this recent episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, in which Charlie eats a urinal cake, despite his friends' injunctions against doing so. Itself a fairly common gag found in such films as Just Visiting, which may be the most bizarre remake of an already bizarre French movie ever. There's also that time on The Simpsons when Homer puts on the virtual reality device so his movements are mirrored by an animated dog, then walks to the bathroom and relieves himself saying, "urinal cake eroding, eroding, GONE!" Clearly, urinal cakes are the source of most humour aimed to towards adolescent boys and immature men who act like adolescent boys.

I say this to you, discerning gentlemen of the 21st-century:

"Equip your bathroom with a urinal, if not for the feng shui, for the etiquette, if not for the etiquette, then do it for the laffs!

1. Barnacle (n): any item perpetually and over-zealously listed as "for sale" in classified ads for any protracted length of time. New Slang Alert!

Comments

David Dodd Nov. 1, 2009 @ 11:01 p.m.

I have a house already planned, South of Rosarito. It will be large, conatining four bathrooms. One, the bathroom right next to my office, will certainly contain a urinal.

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antigeekess Nov. 1, 2009 @ 11:14 p.m.

Keep your urinal. I want that cookie jar.

(Which is clearly an ice cream cone, BTW.)

Pike, is your apartment, like, a Craigslist Crapatorium?

Just wondering.

:)

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David Dodd Nov. 1, 2009 @ 11:18 p.m.

That urinal looks small AG. I'm going for a floor model. If I'm going to install a urinal, I'm going to install a damned URINAL!

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antigeekess Nov. 1, 2009 @ 11:21 p.m.

I didn't know there was such a thing. A floor model? You sure you're not looking at a bidet?

I've always thought a bidet looked very refreshing.

:)

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David Dodd Nov. 1, 2009 @ 11:55 p.m.

Oh yeah. A quick google-image search (which made me feel quite silly typing it in to the query box):

Wall models:

http://bealing.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/urinals.jpg

Floor models:

http://www.urinal.net/produce_connection/pc.med.jpg

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David Dodd Nov. 1, 2009 @ 11:58 p.m.

Oh, and these things are just stupid and should be outlawed -

The urinal trough:

http://www.gentworks.co.uk/images/P/VR%20Trough%20L.jpg

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SDaniels Nov. 2, 2009 @ 12:06 a.m.

Why not a bathtub for peeing? It combines the best of a bidet and urinal--and I think they come in urinal white, too! :)

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SDaniels Nov. 2, 2009 @ 12:07 a.m.

re: #8: Yeah, that thing looks like a slaughterhouse trough, and has a coffinlike shape.

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David Dodd Nov. 2, 2009 @ 12:11 a.m.

The trough is like some communal pisser, were there's no boundaries and no limits. A bunch of guys lined up side by side pretending to not look at each other's junk. I'm not a prude, but dammit, can I have at least six or eight inches of privacy?

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SDaniels Nov. 2, 2009 @ 12:13 a.m.

"...at least contribute to answering the question of whether it is an ice cream cone or a cupcake."

Obviously a cupcake. C'mon, AG! There is nothing icecream-like about those subtle whorls of frosting, and how often do you top your cone with a cherry? Be honest...

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SDaniels Nov. 2, 2009 @ 12:16 a.m.

Exactly! Who wants to pee among friends? Before you answer, remember that the gaggle of females tottling off to the restroom together congregates around mirror, not bowl--and, they are ALL walled stalls in a ladies' room. I seriously do not get how men are expected to do no. 2 on the lone commode in the corner, much less why they are expected to pee standing in a chorus line.

Answers? I bet Bob the Angry Flower has some thoughts on this pressing prostational matter.

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David Dodd Nov. 2, 2009 @ 12:18 a.m.

Whatever it is, it's overvalued at $35 or it would have been sold already. This is more of a question for Bauder.

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SDaniels Nov. 2, 2009 @ 12:19 a.m.

On second thought, that IS a cone. Either that, or a hypertrophied cake base. I'll go with cone...with unnecessary cherry on top :)

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David Dodd Nov. 2, 2009 @ 12:24 a.m.

"I seriously do not get how men are expected to do no. 2 on the lone commode in the corner, much less why they are expected to pee standing in a chorus line."

Yeah and well, we don't get it either. The longest piss-trough I ever encountered was in Dodger Stadium when I was very much younger. Hopefully, they've replaced them with something more civilized. But at the time, it was like, they went on and on for twenty yards long! There were like 800 guys in there!

I blame much of my problems dealing with puberty on those troughs ;)

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SDaniels Nov. 2, 2009 @ 12:25 a.m.

PS: I would consider a urinal, if it were signed "R. Mutt." :)

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David Dodd Nov. 2, 2009 @ 12:50 a.m.

Speaking of "poor lads", sent you an email yesterday or before. Presuming you got it. Well, not speaking of poor lads so much as weird stuff.

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SDaniels Nov. 2, 2009 @ 1:07 a.m.

I just wrote you back about 'borrowing.'

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SDaniels Nov. 2, 2009 @ 1:24 a.m.

Wait--now I'm going back through, trying to figure out which you're intending--that was the latest I had just written back to, before seeing this msg.

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SDaniels Nov. 2, 2009 @ 3:08 a.m.

Yeah, ice cream. Big ole cone.

Pike: Have you seen "Les visiteurs?" I have not--are you recommending?

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PistolPete Nov. 2, 2009 @ 5:31 a.m.

1-Ice cream cone. I've seen a few places in the Midwest(Mom & Pop places)do this.

2-I wouldn't pay $20 for that neon sign. Great team my ass.

3-Gotta go with the floor urinal.

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FullFlavorPike Nov. 2, 2009 @ 6:55 a.m.

"les visteurs" is pretty funny, though it's subtitles for me as my french is not THAT good. there's this one scene where they chase down a north african cab driver yelling, "un saracen!" becuase they are crusaders.

the american remake is also pretty funny too and plays up on the disgusting habits of medieval types.

give either a looksee

BTW, Pete: I put that sign there just for you, buddy :) don't you just love how it's bigger than his TV? Maybe if the team is faring poorly. he just stares at the sign.

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David Dodd Nov. 3, 2009 @ 12:28 a.m.

Somewhere, either in a thread I can't find at the moment or in an email, I recommended that Pike do stand-up. I referenced Eddie Izzard, met with, "meh", pretty much.

No, Pike has the ability. Not that I think he should dress as a transvestite, but here's some of Izzard's finest:

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antigeekess Nov. 3, 2009 @ 2:27 p.m.

Re #27:

Yes, indeed! (As opposed to the "action" transvestite or the "weirdo" transvestite.)

I love Eddie. Used to spend quite a bit of time on his site, actually. I have several of his DVDs -- Circle, Dressed to Kill, and Glorious.

Eddie rocks!

IMO, if you're a dude walking around Times Square in a miniskirt and stillettos, you've obviously only got one problem -- how to keep your ****s from dragging the ground.

:)

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