So, uh, say this 3X fast, eh?

Stokke Tripp Trapp KinderZeat High Chair Black - $180 (Escondido)

Am I alone in thinking that is a ludicrous price for a high chair, which ought to be covered with stewed prunes and half chewed cheerios in no time, or what? I have to call shenanigans on this guy's word choice:

Leather Desk Chair - $40 (normal heights)

Sorry, but "consolidating" isn't really another way of saying "selling everything off." That's just not how words work, Faily McFailerson. Turns out I have a soft spot for people selling entire businesses via classified ad. Hence, I'm assessing the following as a Runner-Up for the afternoon:

pet supply store - $90000 (normal heights)

You have to wonder--would it be ninety-thousand well spent dollars? The world may never know. Forging ahead, a Winnah!

Rolling Stone Back Issues : 1970's Era Original Format! - $10 (Normal Heights)

Prohibitive cost aside, I think it would be fascinating to go and read these. There is prolly some culturally relevant gold in these issues from "back when only the coolest people subscribe." Got to love the aging hipster having learned to laugh at himself, by the way. What's sadder than someone who takes himself too seriously? Being able to take a shot at yourself for being one of the cool kids is probably a good thing. Check the Fix Pushers:

For clarification, the video is mocking the trendiness of cool kids riding track bicycles on the road. Urban Dictionary puts the slant against tarck biking pretty succinctly and not entirely unfairly. Being, in a lot of ways, one of those self-same jerks (you've all seen my outlandish bike before), I can say that most of the allegations made against hipster bike types are all fairly well rooted in truth. I saw a link to the Fix Push video once on an almost crippingly hip Boston bike shop (seriously, hip enough to quote Jean Baudrillard on the shop blog about Black Friday and consumerism), with the tagline "if we can't laugh at ourselves, what's the point?" attached. For the most part, I agree that it's probably dangerous to be too cool to laugh at yourself. A sense of humor will keep you out of trouble nine times out of ten in this life. I'll bet Hitler never could have looked in the mirror and laughed at himself for wearing short shorts...

(Yeah, I know, it's never cool to make an example out of Hitler. Whatevs. I'm just saying he prolly had a wack sense of humor--he just seems like that kind of blackhearted little nutjob who never laughed except when someone fell down and got hurt)

..and we all hated that twit from Oasis for shamelessly admitting that he considered himself the single most important musician ever to grace the Earth with his exalted presence. Maybe he would have endeared himself to us by showing a little self-hatred every now and again.

But there's also something weird about the idea of making fun of oneself for being hip. Lord knows, I do it all the time. It's almost like I'm embarrassed that someone might think I'm one of the cool kids. I'm not alone, either; tell someone he's a hipster and you're almost guaranteed a swift, brutal rebuttal of such an atrocious accusation. I don't understand what's so wrong with being cool that you must (for example) give yourself a kick in the shins for reading Rolling Stone in the '70's. Why is it that being cool is perceived as a distasteful characteristic, yet everyone really wants to be cool and tries super hard all the time to be so?

Watch me read your mind. You ready?

"Well, I most certainly don't waste my time trying to be cool!"

Shenanigans on that thought! I mean, say I take umbrage with that statement and tell myself that "I don't try to be cool." Just who am I trying to convince, exactly? It's not like I don't already know the truth, despite my attempt to convince myself otherwise. Hell's yeah I strive for coolness. Everyone does because everyone either a)has always been the Cool Kid and knows full well the ramifications of losing that designation, or, b)hasn't always been the Cool Kid but damn sure wants to sit in the big chair one of these days! Of course, it's anyone's guess as to where anyone fits in at any given time, but hey, saying who is cool isn't the point, is it? What matters is that someone can demonstrate how he isn't cool.

Infuriatingly enough, I am no nearer to answering the real question of, "why is it seen as so uncool to be cool?" One guess, the best I can do at this point, is is that it's because the fear of actually being uncool ultimately outweighs any other concerns. Denying one's coolness is actually a way of affirming the coolness of which one is accused by others of possessing. Sound crazy and irrational? Welcome to humanity, I suppose. Plus, anyone ever heard of the scientific method? If there was one thing that I learned in my science courses (and there was actually, one thing and one thing only) it was that the best way to support some set of data (i.e. all the reasons that one might be perceived as cool) is to test a null hypothesis (i.e. that one is not cool).

But, hey, I'm no scientist--just a cool kid with some issues about being so! We should ask the Fixed Pushers what they think, or maybe the old dude with the RS back issues.

Finally, here's a rad song; if for no other reason than that I am into embedding videos in the blogs--hypertext loving, idiot nerdchild that I am!

Comments

CuddleFish Dec. 10, 2009 @ 1:33 p.m.

But enough about me, let's talk about cool me ...

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Adam92102 Dec. 10, 2009 @ 2:51 p.m.

First of all, Hitler totally could have pulled off (and also probably literally) short shorts because he only had one ball (even though that one ball was big enough to think he could take over the world and erase an entire race of people from existence). Therefore, I bet he did look in the mirror, just not in the eyes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending the douchebag. I'm just trying to point out something that might not have been considered.

Second, I thought these days being uncool was cool and not the other way around? If not, so many of my years have been misspent or misguided. I always felt uncool until I started to think maybe being uncool was cool. Now you're telling me that not being cool is uncool and, well, now I'm all verklempt at the wasted years.

Third, I was looking at the ad for the pet supply store and Stella jumped on my lap. She informed me that I had found my destiny, a pet supply store owner, and that I better bring home samples. So yes, according to Stella, the money spent on that would be a very wise business venture. At least for her.

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CuddleFish Dec. 10, 2009 @ 3:05 p.m.

Got a spare 90K? Then you definitely cool.

I love that word verklempt. Very cool.

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antigeekess Dec. 10, 2009 @ 3:42 p.m.

Re #2:

Stella is working the same program on you that my "mom" worked on my Dad. She convinced him to buy a grocery store. She - let's call her Miss Scarlet - had grown up poor during the Depression (the first one) and she was NOT going to be hungry again!

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PistolPete Dec. 10, 2009 @ 3:58 p.m.

First off, who buys a Eurotrash highchair?

Second, if you think I'm cool, here's a cookie...now go away because you're bothering me. If you don't think I'm cool, again, here's a cookie and you're still bothering me. Isn't what f***ed this country was too many people with too much money and time on their hands? Me thinks so. You can decide if my comments are worthy of your percieved coolness. I REALLY don't give a rat's ass either way.

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SDaniels Dec. 10, 2009 @ 4:46 p.m.

"Leather Desk Chair or it can be used for any number of things, thats what I used it for."

Hmm. What was that about how words work, Mr. McFailerson? Something of a big old aporia here, no?

And what's up with this chair?! It is a leather dining chair, not a desk chair, and he's added some kind of tush enhancer seat cover thingy. Consolidation is to selling everything off as dining chair with pad is to "desk chair." Nice try.

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SDaniels Dec. 10, 2009 @ 4:58 p.m.

"What matters is that someone can demonstrate how he isn't cool."

Yeah, but this is also part of the problem. EVERYONE likes to be coy and show how s/he isn't cool, really in the hopes that everyone will think, "How entirely cool is that, that s/he can show how cool s/he isn't!?"

RE: the discussion on coolness, here is a blog entry on this very subject from our dear friend lallaw, no longer in the blogosphere, though missed.

"The Loss of Coolness:

"I don't understand what's so wrong with being cool that you must (for example) give yourself a kick in the shins for reading Rolling Stone in the '70's."

Actually, I want those! For a project--not sure if that makes me cool or not. I probably can't afford them right now, though. Does that admission make me cool or uncool? ;)

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SDaniels Dec. 10, 2009 @ 4:59 p.m.

"Denying one's coolness is actually a way of affirming the coolness of which one is accused by others of possessing."

Oops. I didn't see that you already made this point, Pike--naturally. How uncool of me ;(

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FullFlavorPike Dec. 11, 2009 @ 12:46 p.m.

Flagged, bagged, and tagged. Bummer that I went back to sleep this morning!

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nan shartel Dec. 11, 2009 @ 3:09 p.m.

coolericious Pikester...and that's a fact homey!!!

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FullFlavorPike Dec. 11, 2009 @ 3:43 p.m.

Real good to have nan up in the heezzy fo' sheezy!

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