She brings me back to a sense of connectedness in the place where I am. She takes me back into the reality in which I live amongst others. The others that live in my neighborhood, the others that share the air, that breathe in the world and drive in the streets. I feel tangled up in dry fishing nets when I spend too much time away from her. She gives me an awareness of Self by allowing me to use all my senses. In turn, I receive a replenished sense of being.

After spending a day with her, I notice how real my body feels. I notice the difference in my skin and hair when I soak up her beauty. I become a radiant glowing me- full of love and light. I do not have the chance to fade into nobody when I’m with her because she reminds me of the lungs expanding and contracting inside my freckled chest. I gasp and laugh every time I am submerged in her waves of gentle reminders. I let out a wail then hold my breath when they come crashing down on me instead. And when I go to her, I see more clearly- as if my eyes have acquired an entirely new range of color within the iris.

She has the ability to replenish me to a deep cleanliness, back to functioning properly on the planet, and back to feeling human again. I feel alive and with purpose when I find the time to be in her presence. I’m less robotic, less scared and more focused. I am here again on the Earth with a reason to continue on- no matter what difficulties I may encounter. I no longer sense loss or feel displaced when I am with her. She has a profound healing effect on me.

On occasion I forget she is there, and so I fall prey again to my chattering thinking mind that often makes me feel sick. There is a part of me that creates so many sorrows and burdensome emotions. It’s as if a lapse in my brain or a distressed synapse occurs somewhere, and I’m thrown once again into my out-of-sorts body of pain and melancholy. This in itself can be somewhat of a high- a false sense of accomplishment. A false achievement that is worth nothing more than an opportunity to start running in circles, spend way too much time on Facebook, catch up on the gossip column, or watch that new T.V. show everyone is raving about. It seems so wasteful somehow. But thank God, a few days later I usually snap out of it and remember she is out there in the same exact place I left her.

Once I gather up enough energy to cross the tracks and make my way to Stone Steps, I feel miraculously more alive inside. My first glimpse of her blue astounds me every time. I’m forever in a trance as I walk down those steps, gazing out to the horizon, out to the breaching whale or gliding sailboat. The same flashy boat I wish I could afford, so I could be with her all the time. I could be with her even while I sleep at night and dream in a suspended bliss of her. These thoughts are soon distinguished once I’m settled on the beach. My mind becomes calm to the point of whisper thinking- if at all. I need nothing else and nothing more during the moments I am with her. So I run and dive into Mother ocean joyfully, knowing I am complete.