This is one of the "secrets".......

#3 "I didn't get stretch marks during my pregnancies, and I wasn't even moisturizing myself like a maniac."

Just that. Nothing else. Now, we all know that Heidi is a supernatural being, and completely immune to the normal humiliations of the aging process, but really. That she did not get stretch marks during a single one of her pregnancies WITHOUT the use of liberal moisturizing is an anti-aging secret?!? Who knew?

Phew! Thank goodness we have Heidi to tell us how easy it is to not look old. Just be Heidi!!

More like this:

Comments

nan shartel May 5, 2010 @ 10:56 a.m.

i had 5 kids...3 of my own and 2 of my sisters

it was my sisters kids that gave me stretch marks..;-)

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nan shartel May 6, 2010 @ 6:51 p.m.

right quill...that heal and look like stretch marks

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MsGrant May 7, 2010 @ 10:32 a.m.

No way!! The goddess is one of us?!?! Feeling a little bit better.

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CuddleFish May 7, 2010 @ 10:55 a.m.

We are all to one extent or another slaves to the fashion industry, but this just illustrates what a waste of time and money it is to try and mold ourselves after these supernatural freaks.

  1. Genetics. You either have the DNA to look like that, from bone structure to skin elasticity, or you spend thousands to do what nature didn't grant you.

  2. Starvation. Yeah, don't eat enough during your pregnancy to feed a starving Cambodian, that's real healthy for you, not to mention by the way that baby inside your belly whom apparently you want to gain no weight over. Good example for pregnant women to obsess over.

  3. Dermabrasion and laser treatments. If you can afford it, wipe away all traces of what having a baby did to your body. Men will find you so much more attractive when you are returned to a faux virginal state and so thin you can wear girl child clothing, and that's really what it's all about at bottom. Always has been, always will be.

Where's AG when you need her?

Porn stars are air-brushed to perfection.

--Real women have stretch marks.--

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MsGrant May 7, 2010 @ 11:15 a.m.

It made me laugh that she would use her not getting stretch marks while not moisturizing as one of her "secrets". That's not a "secret". That's bragging. I have always hated that type of celebrity that says "Oh, I can eat whatever I want and not exercize. I just have a fast metabolism". Such BS.

I agree with you 100%, CF. I find it refreshing that Hollywood is casting for women who have not had breast enhancement surgery or obvious facial plastic surgery and agents are advising their more mature clients to not get facial surgery. Let's hope this is not just a trend because of Meryl Streep's current popularity and is maybe something that will stick. Let women look like women and not some garish cartoon embodiment of male fantasy.

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nan shartel May 7, 2010 @ 12:52 p.m.

hahahaahhahaha...quill busted her bubble eh

lovin' it

exercise is important but Thai Chi..Yoga... Pilate's...Swimmin' and wrestlin' wid ur man is the best for ya

PLEASE DON"T RUN ON OLDER HIPS!!!

it's so much more fun that way......;-)

(((hugs))) Grantie

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MsGrant May 7, 2010 @ 1:10 p.m.

Yes, exercise is the fountain of youth, for sure. Don't forget bike riding and hiking. I went up Cowles this morning. What a view - and it's FREE!!

Quilly - MEOW!!

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nan shartel May 7, 2010 @ 1:31 p.m.

it is beautiful there Grantie...and biking is the perfect way to see the world on wheels...and breathe!!!

i do some bouldering in El Monte Park...Bobby won't let me pull out the EB's and face climb anymore...it frightens him..but he'll still let me boulder

i'd love to go to Lily...most of the climbs there aren't more then 1000ft...i use to be able to free climb most of them

sometime i HATE getting old...hahahahaha;-)

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MsGrant May 7, 2010 @ 8:10 p.m.

Nan, you are fierce!! I'll climb with you any day. Back to CF's post, I spend a ton of time outdoors and was starting to worry about my skin. I sunscreen, but my face!! But you know what? My skin looks pretty good, and I would rather have my experiences than alabaster skin at 65!! I used to go to a skin doctor for "treatments". Mostly micros or mini-peels. But the women that worked there? OMG!! Frozen faces full of plumpers, white, white, white skin. They would admonish me. "Don't go out into the sun!! You have to cover yourself from head to toe!!" I soon came to realize that in order to have that type of skin you had to live indoors or never wear a bathing suit as long as you live. Which, I decided, was no ffffffffffffing way to live!! I love my freckles, and you, my dear, will never be old!!

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nan shartel May 8, 2010 @ 1:11 p.m.

it's the freckles on ur boobs that r the most superior...from that take all ur clothes off at the top and just sun urself before u hike down

do u know how to lead Grantie...no worries i do...and my safeties r bombproof...no worries if u climb with me!!

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nan shartel May 8, 2010 @ 1:14 p.m.

but u'd have to get EB's...with them u can stand on ur imagination

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MsGrant May 8, 2010 @ 6:06 p.m.

Nan, I am terrified of REAL climbing! I can do a pretty steep climb, but anything that involves sheer faces is waaaay past my fear factor. I am afraid of heights. Actually, to be honest, I am afraid of death.

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nan shartel May 8, 2010 @ 6:18 p.m.

well i'm not afraid of death..and i was terrified of heights when i started..u just don't look down and u have safety...me protecting u as i line the route with safeties during the belay..and...me holding the rope so that if u fall i can stop u

i'd take GOOD care of ya hunnypants

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nan shartel May 8, 2010 @ 6:26 p.m.

face climbing is like dancing...it has a rhythm and grace about it..gymnasts r naturals

with the EB's u can just smear ur foot when there's no foot hold...just smear ur foot till it catches and stops...then stand up on it

i'll write a blog about it and lure u in...hahahahahahahahaha...short climbs at Joshua Tree

i went the first time to only sketch the scene and the climbers...hahahahaha...that didn't last long...if there had been a hospital in Idylwild i would have gone to work there ...i could have climbed every day

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CuddleFish May 8, 2010 @ 6:57 p.m.

Wow, nan, that's some heavy duty stuff there.

I'm with MsG, fear of heights keeps me off ladders, ferris wheels, the roofs of tall buildings, edges of cliffs. I could never go up the Space Needle or the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building -- forget that glass walk they just built out on the Grand Canyon, oh my Lord, never, never, never!!!

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MsGrant May 8, 2010 @ 7:39 p.m.

I kinda love controlled heights. I have been to the top of the tallest buildings in our country. I love roller coasters and the sky-diver. Free-fall is my favorite ride. CF, I know what you are talking about. I have stood on a chair to water plants and gotten that chill up my legs and, I hate to phrase it like this, but it freezes your groin. That's the best I can to to explain the feeling.

But nan, I have tried ropes courses and after getting halfway up I always freak. We did the Mammoth ropes course and the kids kicked my ass. I chickened out. I really would love to try again. This is one thing I have always wanted to get over. I did some gymnastics in junior high. Still can turn a mean cartwheel and do a front walkover.

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antigeekess May 9, 2010 @ 5:38 p.m.

More smiles for Grantie:

http://img.timeinc.net/people/i/2006/startracks/061016/heidi_klum.jpg

Yeah, all that athletic showoffy junk -- I HAVE skydived, oh YEAH! My chunky little but may not be able to climb, dance, or any of that other stuff, but I CAN PLUMMET!

I'm a stornry good plummeter.

/

:)

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MsGrant May 9, 2010 @ 6:26 p.m.

Awww, that photo made me smile for sure! She's not so bad. I kind of like Heidi. For a model she's proven herself to be one of the smarter ones.

Jesus, anti! The thought of throwing oneself out of a perfectly good plane chills me to the bone. My husband has also done it. LOVED IT!! I have parasailed. I know, BFD. The minute I got 500 feet in the air, I turned to my husband and asked "how long does this last?" And I swore I saw the outline of a 20 foot hammerhead in the water.

Maybe we should do a Fear Factor get together. We will all go sky-diving.

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antigeekess May 9, 2010 @ 10:22 p.m.

Okay, I'll start dieting now. Maybe by fall I can fit back into my jumpsuit.

:)

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David Dodd May 9, 2010 @ 10:49 p.m.

Jeez, some of you have bigger balls than I do. I don't even like to fly, much less consider ever jumping out of the damned plane.

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antigeekess May 11, 2010 @ 6:47 p.m.

Aw, come on, RG. It'll be fun.

snort

I mean, you'll only get up to about 120 mph. You've done that in a CAR, right? (Don't say you haven't. We know you were a teenager once.)

Car, no car. What's the diff?

:)

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SurfPuppy619 May 11, 2010 @ 7:23 p.m.

I don't even like to fly, much less consider ever jumping out of the damned plane.

I had the mistake of letting friend talk me into "skydiving" back in 1982. Hey, jump out of an airplane at 3500 feet by yourself on a static line-how hard can it be?

After 8 hours of training the main airplane they used (held about 30 people) broke down and we had the pleasure of going up 7 at a time in a Cessna.

I have never in my life been in one of those two seater Cessna airplanes, and it was the scariest ride you could ever imagine. Imagine driving a 1965 Volkswagen Beetle into the sky-and that would be a as close to riding in a Cessna as you can get without actually being in one. BTW-the door-there was no door. Just a huge opening under the right side wing. Since I was the last one in the death trap I was right there, 3 inches away from death the entire journey up to 3500 feet.

I was the first one to get forced out at 3500 feet. I closed my eyes, said my prayers and jumped out. My static line pulled the chute open as soon as I was 15 feet out of the plan. I couldn't look down. I am scared of heights, and being over half a mile in the sky with NOTHING under you did not seem like a smart move at this point in time. I wanted to get my feet back on the land as fast as possible. I kept my eyes closed. Every now and then I would open them to make sure I was heading towards the landing field, but seeing my feet dangle with no support was causing me to hyperventilate.

After at least 10 minutes of terror I was coming in to land. I had a radio in my ear and the idiot instructors were supposed to tell us by radio when to "flare" the cute, which is to pull the two control ropes (left and right-allowing you to control the parachutes direction) down to your hips at the same time-it applies the brakes to the chute-of course the nimrod instructors forgot about me and I was not able to deploy the brakes and made a 20 MPH crash landing-the perfect way to end the nightmare.

My buddy loved it though-wanted to go back up the next month and do it again. I don't think they allow beginners to do what we did back in 85.....I think today you do actual freefalling from much higher up-like 7-10K feet, BUT you do it strapped on to a REAL skydiver who does all technical aspects of the jump-you're basically just along for the ride.

No thanks.Fool me once your fault, fool me twice MY fault-I learn from my MISTAKES-and that was a mistake.

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David Dodd May 11, 2010 @ 8:07 p.m.

The speedometer on my 1970 GTO went up to 140 MPH and I pegged it several times and went even faster, which only proves that I was completely insane as a young man (as opposed to now, when my insanity is limited to incompleteness). AG, I love speed, the only part of flying I enjoy is when we take off down the runway. My problem, much like SurfPuppy's, is a healthy fear of heights.

When we are born, we are born with at least two fears that are natural and not learned. One is the fear of loud noises, which I seccessfully conquered in my youth when I fell in love with rock music and played in several rock bands. The other is the fear of heights, which I suspect I'll never truly conquer, and also partially explains why I desire to live in areas that are close to sea level and very near to the ocean.

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antigeekess May 12, 2010 @ 7:09 a.m.

Aw, regular old ex-jumpers like me are a bunch of geriatric weenies.

THIS, OTOH is the SH*T: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Cs-zZ0Qu5Y

sigh

Ah, to be a twenty-something male, forever and ever.

:)

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MsGrant May 12, 2010 @ 8:51 a.m.

"(as opposed to now, when my insanity is limited to incompleteness)" LOL!!

Anti, that is so cool!! I could never in a million years do it, but they make it look so natural. Oh, well. I fly in my dreams a lot, so I guess I'll just stick to that.

SurfP, your account of your first and only experience sky-diving had me laughing so hard I was wiping tears!! "Imagine driving a 1965 Volkswagen Beetle into the sky-and that would be a as close to riding in a Cessna as you can get without actually being in one." Anyone who has ever been in a situation where you are having absolutely no fun and are scared sh*tless and cannot wait for the experience to end can relate to your story. My mom used to fly out of Amelia-Reed airport in San Jose. There was an open-cockpit bi-plane that one of the pilots there used for tricks. Well, one day he asks me if I would like to go up with him and my mom, being the protective, caring mother that she was tells me "go!! It will be fun!!" I climb into the front seat, he is the rear seat, so I cannot even see him. He proceeds to do stalls and loops and rolls and I kept my eyes shut the entire time and prayed for it to end soon. We landed and my mom comes running over to see how much fun I had. She commented that I looked kind of white and I responded by projectile vomiting.

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nan shartel May 12, 2010 @ 12:08 p.m.

hey Auntie G...that sky diving field in Eloy Arizona...i use to sit for hours and watch the jumpers when i visited a BGFF there..they got a restaurant and free pool to dip in too

i've never sky dived

but i've hang glided off Torrey pines when it wasn't commercial...and been in a glider at Idylwild

it's so funny because when my kids were young i wouldn't learn to ski because as the single head of household i couldn't break a leg and become incapacitated...

u skydivers r the brave ones!!!

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nan shartel May 12, 2010 @ 12:09 p.m.

Refried

"balls said the Queen...with them i'd be King"....hahahahahahaha

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nan shartel May 12, 2010 @ 12:16 p.m.

i was 35 when i started climbing...i was a type A personality and a risk taker..my work was as an adrenalin freak in the Neonatal Unit and L&D

i had a 240Z Refried and couldn't wait for rainy weather in LA so i could hydroplane on the on ramps to the freeway

yes Auntie G...Grantie...Refried et all

~~oh to be 40 again~~

hahahahahahahahahahaha

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nan shartel May 12, 2010 @ 12:18 p.m.

wasn't this blog about stretch marks...i'm thinking skid marks ladies and gents

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MsGrant May 12, 2010 @ 12:32 p.m.

AAAHHHHH, NAN!!! No s***!!! I mean, no way!!!

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antigeekess May 12, 2010 @ 8:40 p.m.

"hey Auntie G...that sky diving field in Eloy Arizona...i use to sit for hours and watch the jumpers when i visited a BGFF there.."

That drop zone in Eloy is a biiiiig deal. http://www.skydiveaz.com/

I drove down there one day to check it out one day back in the 90s, but it was a weekday and there wasn't diddly going on. I see that pool you're talking about:

http://www.skydiveaz.com/Skydiving-Facilities/Default.aspx

Oh man, it all looks so great. Got me a longin' for the life again, Nanners!

Now, where did I put those aerobics videos...

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MsGrant May 12, 2010 @ 8:46 p.m.

Me too! Let's go!! I would do it if I was rewarded after with a pool and a massage and multiple cocktails...and who needs to be in shape to skydive? F*ck those videos...

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antigeekess May 12, 2010 @ 9:27 p.m.

Grantie, if you saw how unforgiving my jumpsuit is when it comes to every little dimple and bulge, you'd understand.

ring, ring

DROP ZONE: "Hey, where are ya? We're trying to put together a load."

Me: "Working out."

Yup, this was the most consistent period of "working out" that I ever did, this little space of a year and a half in the 90s. Why? Was it health reasons? Nope. Trying to catch me a feller? Nope.

No, the reason was that stretchy piece of lycra/polyester whatever-the-hell-it-is that's still hanging in my closet. The unforgiving, tighter-than-a-size-small-condom-on-Ron-Jeremy skydiving jumpsuit.

I tried to find something online that looks like mine, but frankly, they all suck. Baggy as hell and buttugly. MY suit's the freakin' BOMB. I look(ed) like a superhero in it.

sigh

Back in the day... :)

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CuddleFish May 13, 2010 @ 6:25 a.m.

The father of my poor unfortunate children, and his charming relations, habitually commented on women who were heavier and wore tight clothing. I remember one day we were all at the beach and one of the sisters snickering at a mother in a bikini top and shorts who was wearing her baby fat and cellulite as gracefully as she possibly could while tending to her small children who were playing near the water. Now mind you, this evil hateful female making fun of the lady never in her life could have been called slender even when she was smoking crack AND shooting heroin. So when EHF said something to the effect of women like that should know what they look like when they wear shorts, I snapped, "Too right. Don't they know God made the beaches for thin people only? The very nerve!"

All those years, she never got my sense of humor. Shame.

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antigeekess May 13, 2010 @ 6:36 a.m.

"Now mind you, this evil hateful female making fun of the lady never in her life could have been called slender even when she was smoking crack AND shooting heroin."

LOL. Busy gal. She found time to EAT?

:)

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CuddleFish May 13, 2010 @ 6:41 a.m.

Looking at her, you'd swear she never stopped eating.

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MsGrant May 13, 2010 @ 8:29 a.m.

Take a picture of your suit and post it, anti!! I am dying to see this lycratastic superhero suit. I had a one-piece powder blue ski suit that zipped up the front and was belted at the waist. It was straight out of the seventies, given to me by the mother of the legendary Steve. I wore that thing in the nineties and felt like Farrah Fawcett. One time skiing down a mountain some young guy saw me and said "sexxxxxy". It was one of the proudest moments of my life. Something about those jumpsuits....

CF, EHFs suck and their only joy in life is to cut down other women. She was too dumb to get your sense of humor, because you have to have one to get one. I love when I see moms on the beach with their kids. It's a beautiful sight no matter what their size.

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