Jay Allen Sanford 6:52 a.m., Dec. 5
The greatest mountain a man could surmount is that of pride and instead become a champion of humility yet wears no crown. I am without question a man who fails exceedingly in being humble. My pride lays traps for my every step even those I take in faith and love in hopes to help others. My conscience tells me that this is not to be a worry but my heart weeps at the wicked smile in the mirror. The wicked smile makes me feel good, too good.
The wicked smile is not born of pride but rather of insecurity. Truth is, my insecurity holds me in bondage. A bondage that ties me to pride to hide me from the inevitable truth that I am just a man, no more, no less. Though my attitude may speak of a different me, I know that I am not a god, nor a demigod, but merely a human. My thinking is aligned with the masses in believing that I am somehow in control of the madness that rages the seas within even though I am privileged enough to know the truth. The truth is simple, I am just a man, one with many flaws, and completely incapable of surmounting my imperfections. The greatest weapon I have against myself is to surrender to something greater.
While many scoff at my mere existence as a coincidental side effect of nature happening when my father loved my mother, I submit to the knowledge that my existence is not of an accident but out of love. A love that stems from something so much greater than my mothers love for my father and vice versa. For as much as I know my father and mother love me, their love has no capability to help me in my distress with imperfection. In basic words, if my earthly father and mother cannot save me from myself then this leaves only two options. Option one is that my mere being will simply grow old and die thus rendering my existence as simply inconsequential. Or option two is that the purpose of my existence is to create and manifest something that reflects the love and existence of a God much greater than I could ever tangibly wrap my mind around.
If God is existent and we humans have a purpose set in motion by Him then how would one like me covered in the filth of my own flaws begin to overcome. Surrender. Complete and unabashed devotion to a God that demands nothing but to be loved. I have hated religion my whole life and honestly still do. All I've ever longed for is to know without question that there is a greater purpose to serve than just the frailty of humanity. In serving God, I've learned that without question my love is stronger than my hate, my humility helps more than my pride, and my dreams may shoot for the stars yet my feet are still on the ground to do the work needed. Everyday that I surrender is a day that the wicked smile cannot trap the very essence of the love in my soul. The only problem is, if today was that day, then why am I still longing for that crown?